Making Time

Today was a day of victories. On the personal home front, I updated the Amtrak app on my phone, it was a struggle but I need it for Friday! I got the laundry done (not folded yet but done). Dishes washed and unloaded. Little victories, you know!  

At work, I had meetings with two clients to get them transferred to a new platform (the big project I'm working on and will be working on .... for the rest of my life). One of them we had to meet with three times to do this. And another client blanked on a meeting we had scheduled, so I have to reschedule them. 

A couple good internal meetings happened also. At one, I voiced opinions and concern about a thing, and while what I said wasn't acted on, it was acknowledged and "heard" by the people I was communicating with. 

Sometimes, that's all you need for the later on "I kind of warned you and told you so and .... here we are." 

Doug came upstairs at 4:30, the dog knows this is Walk O'Clock most days. 

He looked like he just wanted to nap, so I offered to take her solo and reached for my sneakers. 

He said he wanted to go. We had a nice walk, it was actually kind of cold in the 50s (it is 40 degrees right now which is ... cold for what we've had recently!) 

It was light enough out that we cut through the woods to the playground (so Doug could throw out the bag of poo he was carrying. They have a bin for that in the park!). That gave us a little extra time and distance, which was nice. 

Toffee was ready for dinner and nose pointed straight home from there. After she ate, I noted she was very cold, so I got her cuddled up on the couch under a fleecy blankie to warm her up! I don't think we are "Jackets On Dog" types of people but, hmmmm. I've never had a cold bean like this one before. 

Anyway.

We had almost nothing for dinner, which is pathetic. We're grownups. For cryin' out loud. But we did have a box of frozen fish thingies from Aldi, and some frozen veggies, so Doug threw that in the oven. Still hungry after eating, I had an apple, and was still hungry so a wee snack plate too. Still hungry but too late to eat at this hour. 

Sending Geoff to the market tomorrow for something for dinner for us, and also food for him to get through the weekend without us. 

He is working this weekend so Meg's parents are coming over to get Toffee mid day - I'm giving them free reign to either bring her home to their house for chaos/fun or play here in the yard and put her back in the kennel for Geoff to release when he gets home. Depending on their plans. Meg's mom is coming over tomorrow to check out where the kennel is etc. And I should vacuum and maybe ... tidy up. Or something. Maybe.

Below are some pictures. One is a little bag Doug found on the ground that I find questionable philosophically. "i am at a difficult age. too old for a nanny and too young for a husband." I think I have problems with that? Not sure.

Next is a Corgi who can't walk, he is wheeled around by his owner in this cute little cart, and she put in a pumpkin. I love him. We had a nice chat.

Our mailman Dave, who I call "Toffee's Boyfriend." He always has cookies for her, and she was thrilled to see him on the other side of the fence. 

And my snacky plate. The cheese was a little too spicy. But I ate it. Because ...hungry.

Digits Below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Walk with Doug and Toffee, 30 min/1.18 miles.  

blood glucose:

8:45am: 177
5pm: 170
10pm: 160

food:
coffee/water
10am: english muffin w/pb
11:30am: Metformin
6pm: some frozen fish dealie from Aldi w/frozen mixed veggies
6:30pm: metformin+jardiance; apple w/pb
7:30pm: snack board: turkey pepperoni, green olives, jalapeno havarti
white wine

Nothingburger entry

Work was super busy today, and I just finished the last few things I needed to do before bed. Doug took Toffee for a walk, and I did some steps inside while dinner was cooking, just to keep the daily exercise streak going.

Doug and I have been watching a series on Netflix called Outer Banks, which is at once good and ridiculous and adventurous and stupid. These improbably way too good looking high school kids would all be dead 100 times by now, and they talk a lot about their feelings. A lot. Too much. Still. I've seen dumber shows.

Season 1 was better than season 4, I'll say that much. We have one episode left before the waiting for season 5 begins. 

At least the soundtrack is fantastic. Lots of great music interspersed through the whole series. 

Right then. Not much else to share. I need to do laundry, and start thinking about getting ready for our little trip this weekend. 

Digits below.

 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. 15min/.67 miles; 5500+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:45am: 177
4:30pm: 144
10:15pm: 211 (see cookies below)

food:
coffee/water
9am: 2 chocolate chip cookies (I baked last night)
10:45am: pb sandwich, no jelly, on 647 white bread
6pm: 2 cluckpucks w/american cheese, some waffle fries
white wine
2 more chocolate chip cookies

Personality Hire

I was talking to a colleague the other day about being under or not qualified for our jobs. Both of us were just laughing our asses off at a situation where we both basically were feeling the absolute worst about not being able to figure something out. He said "I don't think I was hired for knowing how to do things, I think I was hired for my personality. I'm a Personality Hire." I told him to shut up, he sure the hell knows things. He knows a hell of a lot more than I do, that's for sure. 

He's younger than Jess and I feel like in the last two years I've watched him grow exponentially. He wrote a review of me for our annual reviews, and he told me when I walk into a room (usually a virtual room nowadays) I bring a calm and comfort, I can read the room, I'm a steadying presence where people are freaking out. 

That's a personality hire. I'm the personality hire. And I'm okay with that. 

Anyway. No idea what else to post today. Took a walk but didn't get to 10k today and that's alright. Three days in a row is good. Work got in the way today. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. walk w/doug & toffee, 19 minutes/ .87 miles; 6700+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

9am: 177
4:45pm: 144
10pm: 164

food:
coffee/water
12:30pm: giant bowl of chicken salad; metformin
6pm: 2 small pieces of pork loin, macaroni salad
6:30pm: metformin+jardiance
7pm: celery+pb
Vodka & diet tonic

Did you ever see the rain?

It has been so long since it rained in these parts. I guess up in New England there are dozens of wildfires burning. Friends of  mine have been posted about the fires all around Massachusetts and Connecticut. 

Not quite that dry here, but rather. The forecast was that it was supposed to rain this morning. I thought about buying tickets to the Commanders v. Steelers game today as a fun surprise for Doug but he said he has no desire to go to a game. He can sit at home, with his dog, and drink all the beer he wants and not have to spend a crazy amount of money, AND he can take a nap as soon as the game is over. 

Truth. 

Which he did. 

Toffee really wanted a walk and Doug needed a nap, so I took her. I don't usually like taking her for a walk because she pulls a lot, and she drives like she's from Maryland, cutting me off and swerving and sniffing everything. It's sometimes a challenge. But. She likes to go fast, so we get a good pace on and it is usually a good clip. We could have gone another block, but she pooped and I do not enjoy carrying the bag of poop with us, so, we turned the corner and headed home.

Geoff was starting to get dinner going, and I opted that while Doug was napping, and dinner was making, that I'd go to the gym. I wanted to use the circuit room, and put a little more time on the treadmill. 

And it started raining on my way up there. By the time I got to the parking lot, it was pouring. So strange and weird a thing to experience after not having even a morning or overnight sprinkle here in the DC area.

The gym was very empty, and I'd forgotten my headphones, so I basically ran the music choices on their Rockbot system. A lot of the bands I want to listen to are not available on the platform, but I was able to throw some Iron Maiden, ABBA, Duran Duran, The Band, CAKE, and others into the mix. 

Note to self: remember headphones, and make a really long music mix to put on shuffle, so it will maybe keep your attention longer.

Not a very exciting day today but the extra walkies was a good thing. Kind of sad we don't get Veterans' Day off because I'd love a Monday holiday. 

Photo of two snoring beasts. Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. 2 walks. one with Toffee .94 mile/20 min; treadmill at gym, 1.12 miles, 25 min; 10k+ by bedtime

blood glucose:

9:30am: 144
4pm: 143
10pm: 250* (note the carb filled evening of foods)

food:
coffee/water
noon: metformin
1:30pm: english muffin w/pb
6pm: kielbasa w/6 pierogies
6:30pm: metformin+jardiance
8pm: rather large piece of raspberry strudel (I skipped the ice cream), 2 beers
10pm: 2 baby bell cheeses

Historic Savage Mill

We needed to get the car's exhaust tested today, it is due by 11/19 and we'll be fresh back from NY and ... well. Today was as good a day as any to get it done. 

There were 10 cars in line, so I took toffee for a parking lot walk while Doug waited his turn at the 24 hour self-serve kiosk. We had a lot of fun walking about. I witnessed a car accident in the parking lot which was just so Maryland to me. 

We headed down the road (up the road?) to Savage to check out the Historic Savage Mill. For while we've been here that's a spot we have never been to. 

We had the dog, so we couldn't go in and poke around, but we took a big walk on the nice trails around the property. We had parked in the upper lot, and I had hoped the trail would connect back to the lot with a bridge or something but it did not, so we turned around and went back. It was beautiful out so it was a really nice stroll. A good place to go back to one day. A lot more upscale than I thought, I expected an antiques mall or thrifting, but it was a pretty interesting place with some nice looking restaurants and bakeries and stuff. 

After our walk, of course when you are far afield you find a brewery. Black Flag is in Columbia, and I called ahead to make sure dogs were welcome. 

Toffee was a champion there, everyone came over to see her and pat her. A good mile and a half walk before going to the brewery was the best thing. 

She splooted on the floor and drank two bowls of water. 

We got food from the food truck there and an extra hot dog roll for her because Doug forgot cookies. The food truck toasted the bun for her (so nice) and we had a really good visit. 

Wanting to be back on the road before it actually got dark out (because it's super hard to see at night around here) we took some beer home to go. Geoff had dinner waiting but I took a nap. I deserved it. 

Great fun and full day. We'll come up with our car emissions test plan for another day.

digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Lotsa Walking 13 min/.65 miles; 31 min/1.16; 10k+ by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:45am: 167
4pm: 195
10:30pm: 177

food:
coffee/water
noon: metformin
3pm: crab dip w/ chips; 2 beers
6pm: metformin+jardiance; bowl of pasta and meat sauce
8pm: pretzels & hummus

Vinho Verde

C and I were texting this morning, nothing brings a bigger smile to my face. She sent me a million photos, so many amazing scenes. So beautiful. I love that she takes a million pictures.

They crossed into Spain today and they left the northwest/north portion of Portugal behind. This is the land of Vinho Verde, the lightweight, slightly bubbly white wine that is the staple of the region. It inspired me. 

I went to the gym (work was so slow that we all kind of agreed to run errands and goof off a little. So I was away from my desk for about an hour total). I stopped at the liquor store and got some Vinho Verde in her honor. And because I needed to do something creative.

At work on Monday, our team is replacing our usual updates and information meeting (our big boss is traveling) with a show and tell. We're supposed to add a photo to a slideshow of what we did over the summer or what Fall means to us. 

It has been 80+ degrees here, so it has not felt very "fall." We haven't had any rain for weeks and weeks but luckily unlike New England nothing is on fire. Yet. It may rain on Sunday. Maybe. Who knows. So, not feeling very fall. I'm sure NO one wants me to talk about Guster althought I have some cute shots from On The Ocean in August. I feel like democracy and the United States are dead so I feel super meh over all. I thought about borrowing some of C's pictures and talking about her, bragging on her badassery and her journey but that's not mine to tell. 

My work bestie and I had a meeting and griped that  "we ain't got nothing good" for this slide show. 

So I decided to do a little fall leaves photo shoot with my wine. Doug's aunt gave us some fall themed wine glasses that I honestly never thought I'd use, but I busted one out just for this, gathered up some leaves, lit the citronella candle because it was already darker than I wanted it to be at 5pm for my fancy little photo shoot.... and I took pictures while the chicken was grilling. Number one is the one going in the slide show. And yes, I will talk about C and D and the Camino and how this was my way of raising a glass to them. 

Now I have something for the slide show, Boom like that. Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. treadmill walk at the gym, 1mile, 24 min; 10k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:30am: 146
5pm: 126
10:30pm: 196

food:
coffee/water
11am: ramekin of mac & cheese w/bacon; giant BLT Salad 
1pm: metformin (almost forgot thanks to a meeting!) 
6pm: 2 grilled chicken thighs w/ shredded cheddar, guacamole, sour cream
6:30pm: metformin+jardiance
7pm: bowl of doritos; 4 oreo cookies
a couple glasses of vinho verde

It's simple, so says the Captain

I wanna tell you about my best friend. My best gal pal pallie gallie. 

C has been a steadfast friend for like 35 years, and we've been through some ups and downs but this is my forever friend. I cannot imagine life without her friendship.

Right now, she's going through some shit, big giant shit, and it's hard. It's hard to watch and be hopeful that everything will be alright. 

But everything will be alright. Things may be different, but they'll be alright. We just never see it while we're in the middle of the horribleness and struggle. I think back on this blog, the house loss and the Bank that Shall Not Be Named. If I didn't have this blog to remind me of things sometimes, well. I may not have a recollection, or remember just how bad it was. It would be a dull and distant echo. 

I always use music, as you know, to connect to a bigger reality. Many songs by Guster and so many others have gotten me through some rough patches. 

C and another friend of ours, D, are in Portugal right now doing the Camino de Santiago. There are lots of approaches to Tuy and the cathedral, D did it a while back in the walking across Spain from East to West. 

Screenshot provided is not the route, but more the city-to-city "ish" of what the distance might be. 

It is November so it is "post season" and C reports it is hot. So hot. I was afraid it would be cold but I guess climate is ... unpredictable. 

She's been struggling. Blisters, pain, exhaustion. She sends me screenshots of her fitbit app with ten times the amount of steps I'm doing just around the neighborhood. I thought they'd be doing maybe 5 miles a day so I was going to try and in spirit and solidarity.  But 13, 17, 18, 21 miles! Um .... wow. 

It's a lot. And it's hard. THIS is hard. 

Pilgrimages are supposed to be challenging, an opportunity to center one's thoughts, focus on your relationship to God, yadda yadda. It is hard to appeal to your inner heart and faith and light of Jesus when your feet are blistered beyond help and you've tripped while carrying your backpack. It is not a paved road in most places, it's cobblestone, so tripping or stumbling is a risk. It's a struggle, internally/spiritually/emotionally/physically. Everythingly.

And while she's been doing this, it was to be an escape from what's happening in the United States with the elections, but it opens a whole can of discomfort and struggle that is different from the president. Does it take your mind off the elections and the results? maybe? But also for me, it would compound it. 

Every day she's been checking in with me... and I've been thinking about Guster's song "The Captain," I found this sweet under-visited video of a stop they did at a rock-climbing gym to play some songs on tour earlier this year. 

Face forward
Move slow
Forge ahead 

In a lot of ways I always think of: 
Do justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly [with your God]

from the prophet Micah when I see those words together, they just connect for me. I'm weird like that. 

Anyway, at the end of the song they sing "Onward" several times. And every day I say a little prayer for C and I say the lines from the Captain, and just Onward, Onward. 

So many Guster friends have Guster tattoos, and my friend Kacey has Onward and some little waves tattooed to her wrist so she can look down at it and make that her mantra. I have a bracelet. I've been wearing this one for days and just touching it like a little rosary, saying little prayers, each letter. Each blue or green bead. A sort of pilgrimage along with her, without the blisters and bruises.

It will be over eventually. She'll get to Tuy, she'll come home. And it'll be okay. Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. 26 minutes/1.15 mile walk (treadmill said 1 mile but the fitbit measures my pace and seems more on target for what I'd usually get at 26 min). circuit room full of high school kids. 8k+ steps by bedtime 

blood glucose:

8:15am: 164
4pm: 153
10pm: 176

food:
coffee/water
11:45am: large bowl of homemade chicken salad (mayo, cream cheese, grapes, walnuts)
noon: metformin
2pm: apple w/pb
7:15pm: metformin+jardiance; bowl of chili (beans & meat, tomatoes, cheese, sour cream, a couple fritos)
8pm: 4 Oreo cookies

Bad Bad World

It's funny, this country. 

I look at my facebook feed, my friends list, and I would say it is a 90% Harris vs. 10% Trump split. The Harris folks were all "be kind, do justice for the marginalized, love everyone." The Trumpies were all pictures of Harris as a piece of shit in a toilet getting flushed, "Joe and the Hoe" jokes, and Trump as some sort of blessed and protected by Jesus deified figure.

I went to an evangelical college, so if you look at that bunch of humans, we actually had people who were siding more on the side of the gospel with the former and a lot less on the side of the gospel with the latter, well. Yeah. 

It's all rather exhausting. And if I didn't need to be paying attention for work, I would not be paying attention. And I'm trying not to have arguments with people. And I'm trying not to just mute or block.  I just feel like it is going to get worse though. 

Work today was interesting. We were going to split shifts again, if things were bad but nothing is bad and everything's fine. Except that the world is breaking around us. I actually had several meetings that were scheduled from 1pm onward so splitting my shift would not have worked. 

After my last meeting ended at 4:30, I took the dog for a walk, Doug had a 5pm meeting and she hasn't gone on a good walk for a couple days. She took me for a walk is more like it. I put on Guster's "Easy Wonderful" and the songs just made me feel so good.

 "There is love, there is peace in this world. So take it back, say it's not what you thought..."

It isn't such a bad, bad world.

And that's what I'm going to stand beside. Standing in the dark, waiting up for the light. 

Digits below 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. 24 min/1.11 mile walk with the dog. it was a challenge. 8300+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

8am: 171
4:30pm: 183
10:30pm: 166

food:
coffee/water
10am: a very very big piece of raspberry cheese danish
11am: Metformin
12:30pm: grilled chicken and 2 slices of Gouda on 647 Italian bread
2pm: protein shake
6:30pm: metformin+jardiance; beef pot roast (from Lidl, in a package) over oven roasted baby potatoes (probably too many potatoes)
white wine+ ginger ale

Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise

Because of the election coverage today, and the nature of our jobs, my boss did some creative time shifting of our team's schedules for today and tomorrow. 

I worked 9am-1pm today, then time shifted with1pm-5pm off. Back at it at 5 until 9pm. To be honest, I like the big block of no work in the middle of the day. To be honest through, it would have been no big deal to work through, make dinner at 5 or 6, and then come back to work with the elections coverage. 

Ending at 9pm felt a little early, so I did not. I didn't stop paying attention. Laptop still on lap, watching the East, Central, Mountain time zone reports coming in. 

Our teams work on web widgets to show election results. I love how hard the team works and makes things. We test them, we put them out, we trust our clients to use them, and tonight we have folks on hand to help if things go wrong. Me being one.

I worked long past 9, watching the results flow in, watching my colleagues working so hard, checking the helpdesk tickets, worrying about the website handling all the requests, worried about the traffic, hoping things didn't break. Chatting with the team. And feeling really sad. 

And I was thinking about songs that bring me solace. Lots of Guster songs obviously. And in my sad I thought of a song by the Avett Brothers, here for you below: 

There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right
And it comes in black and it comes in white
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it 

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected
If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it

Scott and Seth are right. Decide what to be and go be it. 

Be happy, Be kind, Be amazing, Be loving and supportive, Be the best person you can ever be. And I have a head full of doubt tonight but know we're on a road full of promise if we're on it together. 

This was a long day. And it'll be a long day tomorrow. And it'll be a long 4 years. But come with me. Let's decide what to be and go be it. Let's get out of bed tomorrow. 

And as Guster sings, "Onward..."

 Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. forgot to start my fitbit to count the treadmill time, Kicked it in 2 min late. after I started, fitbit reports, 31 minutes/1.30 miles.  10k + steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:45am: 187
5pm: 188
10pm: 191

food:
coffee/water
10:30: everything bagel with onion/chive cream cheese
11am: Metformin
12pm: bowl of mac & cheese w/bacon, extra queso dip mixed in.
6pm: metformin+jardiance; bowl of rice topped w/thai sauced chicken and asparagus
High Noon seltzer (it is election night, after all)
7-8pm: 2 giant bowls of popcorn
9pm: 2 baby bell cheeses

I was not going to vote

I live in a county where in 2020 Biden/Harris absolutely brutally crushed Trump/Pence. The dems won Maryland in 2020 with over 60% of the vote. And it appears, unless something wacky happens, it'll happen again this year. 

The vote by mail ballots arrived, and Doug filled his out and sent it, laughing that it doesn't make a difference who he voted for. Robert F. Kennedy is still on the ballot, so for shits and giggles, one could vote for that Class A moron just to vote for someone and maybe send a message of "you gave us rotten cheese A and rotten cheese B to pick from so we choose rotten cheese C. (That guy is particularly insane and dangerous, an absolute monster). 

I sat looking at my ballot for days, and finally filled it out today. I dropped it at the post office, it is being sent Express Mail by law because your girl can't get out of her own way to do a thing. So I've actively spent government money foolishly. There is allegedly a ballot drop box near the post office but I couldn't find it at all. 

If I wanted my vote to count, it may not be counted until later this week or some shit, but, that costly piece of paper went out into the world. And it is done.

I'm not a fan of either candidate, I'll be absolutely honest. 

But in my heart of hearts, deep in my little baby soul, I can't abide by Donald Trump returning to the presidency. I just can't. 

Every day he says and does things that make me want to just walk up to people who support him and ask "how. How can you support this. Did you hear what that man just said? Did you actually hear it. Do you not understand that he's not a stand up comedian. This is not funny."

I may feel like Harris says a lot of words and maybe is making a lot of promises and pledges and there's a lot of Idiot Wind coming out of her. But. 

She spends a lot of time saying "I'm not Joe Biden," when people ask her about Biden initiatives and horrible dumb things his administration has done. Which is the wrong answer. Own the stuff you've been part of for 4 years. Instead, the far more important thing is she's not Trump. 

And so yeah. She got my vote. My one vote that in my county is just going to rack up to a giant ass whooping on Trump. And I wish every county would contribute to a giant ass whooping on him but so many places are 49% to 49%, and what the hell. Where's the margin of error. I feel like my conscience is better for this choice. And I'm okay with that. 

Once upon a time, I thought myself conservative. Heck, I thought myself libertarian until libertarians went completely stone cold bonkers crazy off the deep end, and then conservatives invaded the Capitol Building in what I honestly see as an insurrection. 

I can't.

I can't anymore with these people, and four years of this president - again - I don't think I'm going to be able to maintain my sanity. 

And also yeah - it's true, for all the "whataboutism" things that people spew at me, I can't with the Antifa protesters and people taking over cities like Portland Oregon and college campuses. I can't with those motherfuckers either. 

I feel like those people are who I was maybe when I was 18. I may not have ever taken place in any sort of sit-in or occupy the college administration building and make demands civil or uncivil disobedience movement. But I feel I could have been talked to, educated, reasoned with, participated in dialog with. 

Not sure the vast majority of Trump fans can. 

Of all the people I've blocked on FB recently, all of them are Trump groupies. Not a single person I know who is not a Trump person has garnered a block. Because they're not constantly vomiting up their love and adoration for Harris or anyone else, in the horribly misogynistic, racist, disgusting ways some of them have.  

I've blocked some good people, family members, some old friends. I'll wait a couple weeks and unblock them to see if it is safe but if it is anything like 2020 some folks will stay blocked. 

For the most part, my peace of mind is better. If they just went back to posting about sports, their kids/grandkids, music, their pets... life would be fine. But just as much as I can't stand hearing from Trump, I can't stand hearing from the peanut gallery. And I'm fine with that. 

I voted. Like I said, in my county, it doesn't matter. I don't have to stand in line for hours. I don't have to do a single thing now, but wait.

With the rest of you.

Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. no walk, 6k by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:45am: 188
xpm: forgot to take a reading
10pm: 210 (see late metformin and apple) 

food:
coffee/water
9:30am: giant chocolate chip cookie
11am: metformin
12:30pm: grilled turkey & gouda on oat nut bread
6pm: 2 cluck pucks, on rolls, 
8pm: metformin+jardiance; apple w/pb