Hang On, Hang On

My best friend from high school called this morning. It's been a while since we had time to talk. He called me when I was up in Massachusetts but I think we were in an area with no cel coverage, so I did not see he called, and didn't see a voicemail until I got the next voicemail weeks later.  

He's going through some stupid hard times right now, and unloaded all his anger and sadness. We talked for two hours. He needed it. I needed to hear it.

We only live two hours apart and I expressed that I couldn't believe we have not gotten together yet, Covid notwithstanding. There have been opportunities, for sure. I was on my way down to his area and texted him to let him know, asked if he wanted to get lunch. He told me he was visiting his mom out to the west. I was out by his mom, asked him if he was local, he said he was at a conference. When I was down at John's in Richmond we maybe could have connected, but it didn't work out. 

He told me that getting together socially is really difficult to him, and he wanted to pull me up on the enthusiastic "Let's get together next time I'm there!" sentiments, saying that it's hard enough getting out of bed in the morning and going to work, that going out and having dinner is unthinkable to him. 

I told him I get it. Totally. Absolutely. 

But hey - when you're ready. I'm ready. But phone calls are super good in the meantime. Let's not let six months go by and not check in. He sounded down enough that it worried me. I honestly felt incredibly worried for part of the call. 

I made a point to share two songs with him after the call, whether or not he listens is up to him. "Hang On" by Guster (of course) has gotten me through some super sad times, and a couple panic attacks recently. There IS a twilight, a night time, and a dawn. 

The other song I think of all the time when I just need to push through is "This Year" by the Mountain Goats. I love this version with Stephen Colbert a lot, the energy they both bring to the performance is amazing. John Darnielle has been through so much, and made it through many years (thank God), that I love seeing him up on stage just crushing it. 

Watch if you like: 

There will be feasting! And dancing! in Jerusalem next year! And I am going to make it through this year if it kills me. 

Sometimes I'm having a rough day and I'll sing the refrain with "I am going to make it through this next meeting if it kills me" or "I am going to make it through the helpdesk ticket if it kills me." 

The funny thing about that song is NOTHING in the song contents speaks to me or of my life in any way, shape, or form. I'm not playing video games, swigging booze from the bottle, driving a car fast, and hanging out with a girl named Cathy who wants a little of my time. 

But I think everyone can pull into the refrain and scream it no matter what their situation is. I AM GOING TO!!!! MAKE IT!!!! THROUGH THIS YEAR!!!!!! IF! IT! KILLS! ME! 

"This year" becomes especially poignant to me based on his work situation so I had to share it. 

He explained that he just has to survive this year. Survive. Just get through. "Tree hunnid fiddy days" as he put it. 

On July 1 next year, he can retire with a full pension his state. Very early in his career he worked a few years in the state as an educator and school counselor, so he got into the retirement system. He left the state and went to a lot of other places, but those years are on the books for the retirement system. For the last 2 years, he's been in the state again,  and picked up vesting right where he left off. The state fully vests you after 5 (and he's beyond that) but takes your top 3 years of earnings and bases your retirement on that money. So staying 1 more year rounds out the top 3 years, instead of 2 years there and the other highest paying year when he was a young lad starting in the business. Financially it makes sense to stick it out. Emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, we'll see. 

He just has to make it through this year without it killing him.

By the end of the call he was feeling a lot more upbeat. He suggested some fun things that he loves to do, and wants to maybe do with us, and I think I'm going to see to it that we think about maybe kind of sort of planning something, when he's ready to be social. 

Here's my dog, preventing me from folding laundry while I was talking on the phone. Thanks, Dog. Digits below. 

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10. no more. no less. 

blood glucose:
9am: 161
6pm: 116
10pm: 160

Food:
Coffee
Water
seltzer
3 chicken thighs left over from last night with a garden tomato, mayo, salt
chicken breast with hot sauce, bacon, cheese a la Geoff (a perennial fave of his to cook)