Falling down the Google Maps Rabbit Hole

As many of you know, unless you just are on a personal absolute media blackout, a hurricane came up the gulf and hit Florida this week. The fascinating thing for me is the geography. I'm absolutely, completely unfamiliar with this Florida. 

East Coast? know it like the back of my hand from Miami to Jacksonville. A little inland on the East Coast? Hmmmmm, I know some things, like everyone knows Lake Okeechobee and Orlando in the middle of the south and the north respectively. West Coast? Sure. Naples, Ft. Myers, Tampa, over in the panhandle we know all about Panama City, and Pensacola. I have friends all over that side too.  

I've never been to the Keys but I know a lot of them, from Key West to Geiger Key, (gotta visit there some day), Islamorada, Marathon, Key Largo, and the humongously long 7 mile bridge. I've always wanted to go drive Rte 1, down from the mainland to the end. Maybe in my head I romanticize it, but it just feels like it'd be fun. 

But this "Big Bend" region of Florida that everyone is talking about since the storm, I'm learning a lot. 

It's an unofficial name geographically, where the panhandle transitions to the peninsula, north of Clearwater and all the way up to Tallahassee, turn left and go all the way over to the west there to Alabama. Damn. I know nothing of this area. 

So while I'm drowning in panic and work stuff, here I am, avoiding reality at times, and looking at Google Maps. I'm learning about places like Keaton Beach, Cedar Key, Perry, Sopchoppy! What a name! 

I'm eternally fascinated by places I've never heard of or been to sometimes. Just knowing they are there, and there's ocean, and is it nice? Is it gross? Is it a oil rig ruined town? Or is it a pristine undiscovered oasis! 

What more, I was looking at the area, like at Keaton Beach, and the hotel options are scarce. You have to stay 30 miles away in Perry or down in Steinhatchee. I bet there are cottage rentals, I bet there may be some Air BnB options. But wow is this minimal. Like an undiscovered country, with no Marriotts nearby. 

Interesting.

Anyway. Today was not nearly as bad as yesterday. I had a victory, I was able to communicate a big, deep, important mistake someone made and with authority let them know how "we" fix it. My manager actually fixed the most of it (thank glob) and the client gets to thank the rest. 

Tomorrow, I'm going into the office. One of my colleagues is in the area for a wedding, and he wants to come visit. He's been to the building before, but he works remotely, and wants to get an ID Badge. He was hired during the pandemic, so this is his first "Real Boy" job at HQ. We also have a colleague who is leaving, and tomorrow is his last day. It's kind of weird because I have no idea why he'd leave after 19 years here, unless he's just going to make some giant money somewhere, and if that's the case - good on him. Go make your money, king. Wherever you are going. 

I'm so looking forward to not working Monday. This whole week has been bananas. Absolute bananas. And I'm sort of over it. I said to a colleague today that honestly, if I thought I could get a job that is 100% remote, and pays what I get, I'd probably take it. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like dreaming about work. I don't like trying to fall asleep and not being able to because I'm thinking about work. And I'm out of tylenol PM.

Here's Phineas to bless your eyes today. Sleeping with his eye open, giving you a blep.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

8:30am: 144
5:15pm: 172
9:30pm: 155

food:

coffee, water
noon: metformin; grilled cheese (2 slices of colby jack), turkey, big fat slice of tomato, 2 slices of 647 bread
2:30pm: bowl of yogurt w/cup of granola
6:30pm: 3 chicken thighs, grilled with a marinade of honey mustard, garlic, lemon, parsley, kung pao broccoli from Aldi
8pm: metformin+jardiance
white wine

Make Your Granola

I'm having a rather stressful day today. I caught something big and wrong for a client, I thought I understood what they wanted, I asked, they said "yeah yeah that's right" and then they set up something wrong thinking it was right. 

I should have heard them, I should have .... parsed out what they were saying to say "Do you really mean this thing? or THIS thing?" But I slipped. And I caught it, and brought it to our team and we all decided "oh no." 

It's too late today to spring this on them but they have to undo a thing they did, and do something different. I have WONDERFUL examples of doing it right. I just feel like I created so much work for them, and, they already did so much work. They may be mad. 

I'll deliver the news in an email I'm going to draft up tonight, and send tomorrow. I'm going to make myself get up extra early, and be ready for possible blow back. 

But to be honest, I feel like we have a 2pm meeting, I'll help them to the best of my ability, I'll do work for them. I did work for them last night. I'll do more work tomorrow. 

Damn I should have caught this last week. 

Anyway. At my office we do a monthly couple of meeting sessions to talk about Race, Identity, Culture, etc. It's super big where I work, and I'm thankful for it. I learn by listening, but I also learn that there are so many "other" groups not just defined by race, and I am in a couple of them. My gender puts me in one group. My age puts me in another.  

Today we were talking about taking mental health days. Which is also a really big thing at my office. People take mental health days. They are stressed, they are sick because they are stressed. Take the day. Go do it. 

I'm not a manager on my team, a manager of people, but I always feel like my younger colleagues are good at this, and I'm very bad at it. I do not give myself the grace to say "you know what, no one is going to die if I have a horrible headache and I need to go lay down and be alone." 

When my dad died, I felt intensely guilty that other people had to do my job for one week. But I completely detached. I only opened the laptop to look up the menu and phone number for the pizza joint because their mobile site is unreadable. 

I talked about how I try and encourage everyone to take time. Take your vacation! Take your sick time! Take a couple hours. Take a break. Do it. But I rarely do. I also feel like while I encourage this, it also is a burden because someone has to do the work. Someone has to finish the thing. I'm truly terribly sorry you can't focus, function, do, think, feel today but .... we're in the middle of a project. Okay, I'll pick up the slack. 

And then when I do it, I realize I'm being a burden to others, to my manager, to my other team mates. And I do not like that. 

So with as horrifyingly stressful as today is, and tomorrow will be, I did some laundry. I cleaned the bathroom, I sent flurries of slack messages and emails. I felt like hyperventilating. And I realized this discussion session was happening. 

I unplugged. I attended. I listened, and while listening, I made granola. I got the oats mixed with honey, butter, and cinnamon (forgot the vanilla! Doh!) and put it in the oven to bake 30 min. Tossed pecans & walnuts in a little honey, and then mixed them in with the oats. If you put the nuts in with the oats, they burn a little. 10 -12 minutes more. You're done. Take it out and let it cool, toss in craisins, raisins, shaved coconut, tiny chocolate chips, anything that makes you happy. Do it. 

And you've got granola (then load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen because you made a mess). 

During the session, when we were talking about taking mental health time, I decided to open up about how I was feeling, how I felt taking time off was a burden to others, how I always encourage people to do it but then I feel like welllllll who's gonna finish your thing? Was I being a burden to people by taking a 90 minute break from work, or is this putting in the work to make myself better. 

And I told them that I made granola. 

"I think my point is, give yourself permission. Make your granola." Everyone laughed and the person who leads these sessions said "okay I am writing this one down." 

I feel a lot better about things talking to this wonderful group of my co-workers. And I have a container of granola. My problems didn't go away but I feel like I have a plan for tomorrow. That's the most important part. 

The granola raises my blood sugar, obviously, but it is full of fiber which is helpful. I'll mix some into my yogurt in the morning and enjoy it. Though tempted to have a bowl like breakfast cereal right this minute! Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

8:30am: 186
4:30pm: 153
10:30pm: 131

food:

coffee, water
11am: small ramekin of mac&cheese w/leftover cheese steak meat
noon: metformin; chicken salad made from leftover from fajitas, with onions & peppers, cream cheese & mayo, and a container of left over salad from dinner the other night. Made too much to eat, so put the rest in the fridge
7pm: cheeseburger on bed of salad mix (kale cabbage chipotle i dunno, something from Aldi)
white wine

Everything Everywhere All The Time In My Life and In My FACE

I didn't want to crib the title of a certain very famous movie, lest folks find this post and think I'm writing about it.  

This has been a busy week, and it is only Tuesday. Here are some highlights:

• My 2 favorite small humans had good first days after all yesterday and I thought I should share that.
• We did a code push yesterday that broke all the client sites, that was awesome.
• There's a hurricane coming. All the Florida clients are scrambling to publish content, friends are either moving to areas where the forecast is not grim, or they are hunkering down, baking cookies, prepping their freezers, filling things with ice to last a couple days, making sure there is propane in the grill so the kids can eat hot dogs or whatever. Oh, and making sure they have a lot of beer. They'll still drink it warm. 
• No word yet from the Vet on Phineas' all day marathon of testings Friday. Hope to hear something soon. 
• I have one friend going through the literal nightmare of shit that you don't want to go through with your spouse, ever. So my heart hurts for them. 
• Still trying to pick a date for Dad's interment. 
• Geoff had a really really good job interview and I think after the holiday weekend, he gets to go in for an in person interview and a ride along with the phlebotomy team. I have thoughts/feelings on this. I'll hold onto them.
• Made the mistake of telling a client I could possibly meet with them at 4:15pm today, or 10:30am tomorrow, and dagnabbit if they didn't take me up on 4:15 today. Why'd I even suggest it. We didn't finish talking until 6. And now I have a laundry list of things to do for them. 
• I found myself alone, and made dinner. If I wasn't going to make it, who would? honestly.
• Good thing I made dinner, I was hungry.
• Just had a nice hour long chat with Linda to talk about the things we still need to do and plans we still need to get into place. 
• I'm ready for bed. 

Hope all your days are going alright. 

Here's a picture of Phineas trying to get comfy on the couch and failing. Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

8:30am: 165
5:45pm: 152
9:45pm: 208

food:

coffee, water
11:45am: peanut butter sandwich on 647 white bread; metformin
4pm: apple+peanut butter
6:30pm: 2 fajitas, grilled chicken, peppers & onions, shredded cheddar, bean dip, sour cream, on low carb fajita wraps
8pm: metformin+jardiance
white wine

First Day Jitters

My two favorite small humans went off to first day of school today. 

Both are very anxious and worried. The first grader isn't sure what he's worried about. The third grader can't articulate his feelings to his mom, but he is deep in them. Both moms are, consequentially, anxious and nervous themselves. 

I have kept this blog since 2001, I'm pretty certain I can go back to first day of school posts from back in the day, especially about Geoff, and find the night before jitters and the day of panics and the first week oh-no this didn't happens.

I went back and read some stuff from 2003 when Geoff went to public school and how we didn't even get a few days into the school year before we were called into the office to talk about him, and his behaviours. I'll be forever grateful for the first grade teacher he got. She really understood him. After years of working in a SPED class in another school in the district, she had a bead right on him and got a spot on set of advice for us. Reading the entries from 2003 really did shake me a little. 

You forget what it is like when you live through a thing, and then you get far from that thing, and wow. Yeah. That was a lot back then.

Geoff is 26 now and alive and well, we can say he survived all this, and so did we. And so will they, my friends and their boys.

There were times when yeah, it was really stressful and heartbreaking. But he made it! And life is always hard and challenging, and 20 years ago challenges I feel like I could handle today with an open heart and less terror. Today challenges are overwhelming and burdensome. 

Geoff is looking for work and nothing is panning out but I hear all the time about hospital staffing shortages and I don't understand why someone won't hire him. 

So it is a different set of circumstances. First day or every day jitters. How we decide to walk through them is up to us. 

Here's a picture of Geoff from first grade, from Halloween that year. How appropriate this is what he wanted to dress up as. And I'll never ever forget it. 

I actually went to Flickr to see if I had first day of school pics and I don't have any of him or of Jess. For Jess I know I have print pictures from them getting off the bus, little purple jumper, bright blond hair, looking kind of relieved to be home. I guess I wasn't that parent who takes pictures of the kids on the first day of school for posterity's sake. Not saying that's a bad thing. I don't have pictures my mom took of me. And I'm alright. Anyway. 

Digits are below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

8:30am: 180
4:30pm: 175
10pm: 169

food:

coffee, water
1pm: grilled cheese on 647 bread w/several slices of ham; metformin
1:30: blueberry oatmeal muffin (there are only 2 left now... hate to see them not get eaten!) 
6:15pm: Bowl of Chili, meat, beans tomato, etc, over a bed of fritos, with shredded cheese and sour cream
7pm: trail mix: almonds, cashews, walnuts, raisins, chocolate chunks.
white wine

Get Thee To A Cidery

Yesterday was a zero day for both of us. We laid around, played games on our phones. Geoff made dinner for us, no effort, no heavy lifting. Doug managed to take a short walk, I took a nap. 

Some days be like that, right? 

Today we opted not to burn the day. I like to let Doug take the lead with what we do, because then I'm certain he'll be totally happy. Sometimes my suggestions are met with reluctance. We thought about a plant swap at not the usual brewery (that's the first Sunday of the month, this one is the last Sunday of the month). I always feel bad coming with no plants since I never have anything to trade. I love all my plant babies.

We had a couple errands to run to the north-ish, and Doug suggested a side quest. He had read about the Two Chimney Ciderworks in Gaithersburg. The publication he found them in is called Plenty, and the article is here if you'd like to read it. I have to say hats off to Plenty for having such a great online version in addition to the print version! 

Normally, we are brewery kids but we've been just about everywhere within a short drive (there are a couple in DC we haven't met yet). So we got our acts together, and hit the road to try some cider!

It took a while to get up there, sometimes we forget how far things are from us. We were pleasantly surprised to find out they also have a brewery too called Silly Yak. What a nice surprise. We stuck to the cider, but if they'd had beer in cans, we would have brought some home. 

I think you're supposed to have your picture taken with the root "wings" but Doug was with the dog on the other side of the building checking out the axe throwing court. 

It was a "blue sky" perfect kind of day. Amazing clouds, low humidity even though it was kind of warm. The tasting room was pretty empty, because the picnic tables outside were well stocked with happy samplers. 

We brought Phineas with us, because we haven't taken him places recently. Doug was missing having his brewery buddy with him. Phin was happy to be out but a little stressed during the car ride. We're still getting used to the Mini when it comes to him, and have figured out maybe what the best Phin-appropriate set up is. 

We each had 3 cups of the cider, and they were all good. We both agreed on what our favorite was, the Over the Falls barrel aged cider. It was just a notch above the others! We brought some home to share with Geoff and enjoy here. 

Because it is a longer drive to get home, we decided we would not have more, and opted to bring some home for enjoyment at the house. 

It really was a beautiful day, and I was happy to get out and get around with Doug and the dog. It feels like it has been too long. 

Enjoy the image of the happy dog, cider, and the digits below.

digits

exercise: 11/12 hours of 250 steps. slept through 9am

blood glucose:

10:30am: 155
5pm: 212
9:30pm: 175

food:

coffee, water
1:30pm: chicken thigh w/ avocado spread, no roll/bread; metformin
3-4 pm: 3 pints of cider at the cidery
6pm: chicken breast grilled over big salad w/blue cheese dressing
7pm: metformin+jardiance
7:45: oreo cookies
9pm: 2 baby bell cheeses

Second Breakfast

(Saturday's Entry, posted late)
I woke up at 7:30 this morning when Phin came to get me to let him out. The coffeemaker was running, but Doug was asleep in the guest room. 

We have a sign on the dog food container that says the dog has been fed, and it was face up, but I thought that was a left-over from last night and no one flipped over the sign. 

The dog's dish was empty, so I let him out, fed him, let him back in. He ran right to the dish so I thought okay, he's ready for brekkie. 

I thought maybe Geoff had come up early and started the coffee for us all, and went back downstairs. I went back to bed. Too early to be up. 

Turns out no, Doug woke up at about 6, fed the dog, started the coffee and went back to bed. Note. Fed the dog. Oops.

"This is your lucky day, little dog!" he said after we discovered my mistake. He got ripped off for brekkie yesterday so, I guess we made it up to him.

He spent the day yesterday at the vet getting his Cushing's test, and wasn't allowed any food after midnight (he may have gotten a cookie for going out to pee at 5am but shush you don't know that). We're supposed to increase his gabapentin (didn't do it today because he was already sleeping). We'll have the results sometime in the week. 

Today was a do nothing day. I slept through the 9am steps, I missed 1pm because I was playing a game on my phone. I kind of need to take a short walk just to keep my pokemon streak going but I do not feel like it. 

I spent the better part of the day texting back and forth with C and also with Jess, who did a super solid thing today for C that made my heart sing.

I started playing all the games on my phone that I had stopped playing for weeks and weeks, I basically only played one game (cats & soup) and I've hit a point where I'm not accruing enough points to make things move fast enough so it is boring. 

It was also so hot today. This past week was really nice and I thought wow, we've turned a nice corner here. But no. Summer came back with a vengeance. 

digits below, no picture today.

digits

exercise: 10/12 hours of 250 steps. slept through 9, missed 1pm by a couple steps.

blood glucose:

10:30am: 195
5:30pm: 154
10pm: 187

food:

coffee, water
1pm metformin
3pm: large piece of celery, w/peanut butter
6:45pm: 1/2 sub roll w/ cheesesteak (mushroom, onion, american cheese)
truly seltzer
8pm: 4 oreo cookies
10pm: 2 baby bell cheeses

Muffins

Before I went off on my travels and adventures, Doug bought a lot of blueberries and peaches. I came back and discovered no one had really touched them. There were 5 peaches left, 2 were unredeemable. Three just needed some unhappy spots cut out of them. I diced them up and put them in a little sweetener thinking I'd drop them in yogurt. 

Then, I eyeballed the 2 pints of blueberries. Again, some were unredeemable but a lot were okay. I ended up with 2 cups of healthy looking blubes, and mixed them with the peaches. 

I forgot about them. But today there they were, sitting in the refrigerator. Waiting. I figured I'd make muffins. 

I picked a low sugar/high fiber oatmeal muffin recipe, and set to work. I had to soak the oats in milk, which was alright. Good. Honey instead of sugar. Okay, I'll do that and use a little less of it. Mixed it all up, buttered the hell out of 2 muffin tins and was about 4 muffins short of a dozen. No worries, no problem. 

Sitting here during a meeting where I timed the baking to coincide with the conclusion of the confab, it was torture sitting here smelling those bad boys. 

Doug came up and declared them done 5 minutes before the timer went off. I'm glad he did, because otherwise they would have burned a bit. 

Consistency, wonderful. Flavor? Not a lot sadly. I feel like not using sugar to soak the peaches and blueberries in, and using a no-carb sweeter, I did them a disservice. The muffins Doug made earlier in the summer were screamingly flavorful because farm stand blueberries, well, they're just special.

The oatmeal was perfection. So many other recipes didn't call for soaking. This was just right. I'd do it again.

I had 2. Meant to have only one but. Oops. Digits are impacted, and are listed below.

digits

exercise: 11/12 hours of 250 steps. Missed 7pm by a few steps.

blood glucose:

9:30am: 166
5pm: 215
9pm: 221

food:

coffee, water, iced coffee
11:45: 2 small chicken thighs left over from the other night, on top of the left over salad from last night
12: Metformin
1pm: handful of fritos while mixin' up muffins
2pm: 2 blueberry oatmeal muffins
3:45 another muffin (oops)
6:30pm: chicken parm
7pm: metformin+jardiance
9:30pm. Yet. another muffin

my poor bean

 Phineas is not having a good time. 

Before I went away, I took him in for a check up, he'd been acting really weird, peeing constantly, drinking constantly, falling down. The bloodwork came back inconclusive but the vet said she thinks he has Cushing's Disease. She wanted me to bring him back in for a test (LDDST) to see what's up. Doug made a face when I suggested he do it while I was away. "What's it going to tell us?" he said.

"Well, if he has it, we can probably treat it with medication from what I read," I answered.  "And if he doesn't, what's wrong with him? What is going on with him. I'd like to know, and then decide well, what do we do." 

Doug said that while I was away he had a seizure of some sort. Just apoplectic, shaking, eyes rolled, the whole thing. He came out of it and was absolutely discombobulated. He walked into my bedroom closet, and got himself stuck in there, Doug had to pull everything out, and pull him out. A day or so later, he was perfectly fine. But after a day, got back to normal. 

I forgot to make the appointment, because, of course I did. And Doug didn't. And that's something I expected. He had a pretty good week since I've been back, and I kind of forgot about it. Until today. 

This afternoon, I was in a meeting, Phin was outside. I had headphones in and Doug came upstairs and said "Do you hear the dog yelping?" No. I did not. I'm in a meeting. 

He went outside and Phin was laying down in the grass. He saw Doug and got up on his own, and came inside. But he was like a drunkard - wobbling, not stepping down right, almost like he hurt his front leg or something. 

The list of symptoms for Cushing's includes increased urination and increased drinking, excessive panting even when not active. There are other symptoms like increased appetite, thin skin, sores, hair loss, skin infections. He doesn't have any of that (well, he's always increased appetite because he's food driven and obsessed, so that's been the case for the years we've had him). 

I called the vet this afternoon, and they have an opening tomorrow (yay!) for the LDDST test. They also want to do an ultrasound on his adrenal glands/etc because that's where all this nonsense comes from. But that has to be made further in advance since the testing unit has to be brought in. 

He spent the better part of the last 2 hours frantic, panting, falling down. I gave him a gabapentin, he's been taking that at night time because it knocks him out. He finally settled down and went to sleep for a good chunk of the afternoon. 

But yeah. wow. Dude. What is up with you? 

Doug told me that while I was away, he (Phineas) stopped sleeping in the guest bed and slept on the floor in our bedroom. The gabapentin helps him sleep, so, he just flops down on the carpet and sleeps and because he wasn't in a bed with a human he wasn't woken up by anyone moving. Doug said he wasn't waking up 2 or 3 times a night and wanting to go out. He'd go from 11pm to 4-5 am, just fine. He's been doing the same since I got back. Sleeping on the floor, sleeping mostly through the night. To be honest, I wake up more than he does right now to go pee.

I feel bad that I didn't call sooner, like, I could have made the appointment for this week last week. I'm truthfully relieved that there's an opening tomorrow because they sometimes are booked weeks in advance. 

One of the hardest things is that I won't be feeding him breakfast tomorrow per doctor's orders. It is one thing to tell a human that. Quite another to tell a dog. 

Send the old bean some mojo. And send me some mojo. I will need it. 

Work today was so crazy. So busy. I had to ditch a call from C because I was running a meeting with a client that went almost 2 hours. Then I had to do QA work for a code push for Monday. 

The good news is they did a hire for my team, not the person I wanted but a person I love and will gladly accept. And my best partner in crime comes back from family leave on September 2nd and I cannot wait for them to come back. 

I have not taken any pictures in a couple days so nothing to share.  Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

9:30am: 186
5pm: 177 
10pm: 191

food:

coffee, water, iced coffee
11:30am: bowl of tuna fish w/celery
noon: metformin
6:30pm: cheeseburger and a big salad w/romaine, tomato, cuke, red onion, pepitas, feta, apple thyme vinaigrette dressing. 
7:30pm: metformin+jardiance
white wine
8:30pm: some oreo cookies

Wednesday

Doug went into the office today, and I had a busy and productive day here at home. Took care of a couple Mom things, made a few phone calls for Dad Things. Have a pantload of QA work to get through tomorrow. And did a couple client calls and meetings that were great. 

Watered all the plants, had a long text convo with C, grilled a hell of a great dinner. Cleaned the sink and toilet in the bathroom.

Feel like I'm back in the swing of routine here the way we've been all summer. 

Feels normal for the first time since before Dad passed.

That said, we need to figure out what we're doing date-wise for his interment. Lin and I are working on that. Put in for time off. 

I didn't take a picture today, but I did sit out on the back patio, and it was delightful. I smell like sunshine and bug spray. I like that. 

Digits down there.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. gotta get back on the dedicated 10 grind!

blood glucose:

8:30am: 153
5pm: 177 
10pm: 162

food:

coffee, water
11:45am: 2 egg omelet with 2 cheddar cheese slices, 4 sausage links, 1 avocado sliced up, spicy bean dip spread
12:15: metformin
3pm: 2 large celery sticks w/peanut butter
7pm: metformin+jardiance. 1 grilled chicken thigh split on 2 low carb flour tortillas with cheddar, avocado spread, bean dip; white wine
9pm: trail mix+cashews and more wine

Bangs

Today was an exceptionally busy day. I want to get to my Guster recap but it is already 2.5 weeks ago and I am not super feeling the write-up energy. Maybe I'll just post a bunch of pictures. I dunno. 

Spent some time today doing stuff for mom, ran into roadblocks with setting up accounts and not having access to her email. I did a ton of work stuff. I set up meetings and had meetings. I am exhausted from work and today is just day 2 of being back after time off. I wonder if I just don't have the heart and love for this job that I used to. But I don't think there's much else I could do vocationally that would be good.

I talked to Linda and a friend from college who lives very close to mom who I was going to try and connect with while we were there, but it didn't click. It was fun catching up. 

Today's weather was stunning. It is nice enough to turn off the AC and open all the windows and sleep under sheets and listen to crickets and birds. Tomorrow may be perfect enough to sit outside at the patio table, finally, which I've longed to do.

Last night, I got frustrated with my hair and cut my bangs. It's not horrible, but I really should have shown some restraint. Ya know? But. The scissors were right there and I was sick to death of my hair poking me in the eyeballs. It'll grow. And by then, I'll need all the hair cut all around. Probably a month from now. 

Anyway.

Digits below.  No picture, but I'll try and get my bangs for you to laugh at tomorrow maybe. Maybe.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

8:30am: 198 (I already had 2 cups of coffee so I don't know what impact that has on the digit)
5pm: 135 
10pm: 148

food:

coffee, water
12noon: BLAT salad (very large) 
12:30: Metformin
6:15pm: 2 hot dogs, 1 bun
6:30: metformin+jardiance
white wine
9pm: ramekin of trail mix+cashews

Back to the Grind

I wanted to sleep in this morning so badly. I hit snooze a few times but realized I really needed to pee. So that's what got me up officially. It was slow in getting started, I had a lot of email to read, and found out 2 long term colleagues (19 years and 30 years!) had decided to leave our organization. Stunning news. Really surprising. It was an exceptionally busy day, and I had a meeting for a thing that somehow I'm involved with but I have no idea what I'm doing. How do I get involved in things that make no sense to me. 

Today I couldn't stand my bangs so I just cut them after work. Straight across, no remorse. We'll see how it looks tomorrow but I already am relieved and regretting. I really should have been patient and 

I've been looking forward at the schedule, and I have Guster in Pittsburgh on (I think) September 19th and Amythyst Kiah in Annapolis, on September 27th. Guster announced Thanksgiving in NYC at the Beacon but I'm not going to go.  I need bi-weekly Guster or something concerts in my life, I think. 

Today I did a little Farmer Chris things, I need to trim back the morning glories around the mailbox, but the sunflowers are poppin' as evidenced below. 

Getting back in the swing of work is going to be hard for me. My mind and heart are elsewhere. And I really am not even remotely interested in any or all of this. 

Meh. 

Digits? Below.

digits

exercise: 11/12 hours of 250 steps. missed noon because of work.

blood glucose:

9am: 174
4:45pm: 144 
9:30pm: 177

food:

coffee, water, iced coffee
11:45am: roast beef sandwich w/2 slices of american cheese, mayo, on 647 italian bread
4:45pm: ramekin of trail mix+cashews
6pm: small bowl of pasta w/ ground sausage+peppers
gin&tonics
9:30: more trail mix

Home at last

Had an easy peasy lemon squeezy trip back from Providence. Great airport! Except that somehow I set off something hot and wild in the crotch area during the security screening. It happened out of Baltimore too, but I didn't get as big a reaction as little airport PVD. I ended up in a private screening room, passed the test, but have no idea why twice in 2 weeks my nether regions have been, noted. 

Anyway. Once through the ordeal of being searched in a private room like I'm some sort of weirdo trying to smuggle something in my coochie, I got to my gate with no time to sit and play pokemon and have a glass of wine.

Happily, it is an hour and 10 minutes of a trip, by the time you get up and cruise for a minute it is time to start heading back down. Doug was right there to get me after I got my bag, and asked if I wanted to go straight home or go out. It wasn't even 3pm so I said hell yeah, let's go somewhere. He decided we'd go into Baltimore to Fells Point.  

Fells Point used to be a wreck as little as one decade back, but now it is a happy hipster haven with a chic fancy hotel in what used to be the location for the show Homicide: Life On The Streets. It is one of my very favorite all time shows. I stopped here in 2002 with Linda when she moved to Florida, the blog entry is here but the pictures are missing... sadly. I think I have them all on a backup drive somewhere. I should go find them.

The entire neighborhood at that time was shut up, boarded up, everything was vacant. And this building was also vacant. I didn't cross the street today, but the last time I was there they had a plaque on the front of the building commemorating the men and women who filmed the series and starred in it, and the police in the city who inspired their stories. 

Now, well, it's different. Very Very Different. I wonder if the plaque is still there. I should have gone to look. It would be a damn shame if it was gone.

We went to Koopers Tavern and had a couple beers and I had a tremendously good salad with spinach, blueberries, goat cheese, strawberries, almonds. Tremendous. Doug had a lamb burger, that he said was great. 

We caught up on the happenings since I've been away. Phineas kind of had a seizure the night that I left, Doug isn't sure what was happening and it has not happened again. Geoff had a good interview, and has another one scheduled for next week at a place I'd rather see him work. 

I overshared about the Guster Fest (his eyes glazed over a little as I gushed about how awesome it was). I told him all the super frustrating things that happened to us with my mom. And I knew for sure he'd love the New Bedford story from the other day.

I let him know I was super relieved to be back. That this was just taxing and exhausting for me. We took a good walk around the neighborhood, knowing that at 5pm the resident parking kicks in and we had to move our car, cutting our visit short.

Usually I take the day off after I get home from a trip to get reorganized at home. But because I took 3 days off before the fest, I just felt it wasn't a good idea. I regret it now. The kitchen is a disaster, Everything is a mess. It smells funny in here, which is not something I remember it smelling as when I left. The garden needs work. I just watered the front step plants but didn't get to anything else. 

But right now, I'm tired as fuck, and ready for bed. 

Here's what the Baltimore Police Department looks like now. And here's a good writeup someone did a few years back before everything changed, you can see the pictures of the building, the plaque, and the pier. Digits below.

digits

exercise: 7/12 hours of 250 steps. Planes, cars, restaurants. Still got over 6k steps.

blood glucose:

8am: 163
xpm: x no afternoon reading
10pm: 166

food:

coffee, water
11:30am: Metformin; 2 eggwhite bites w/gruyere and bacon from starbucks
2pm: high noon and snack mix on the plane
4pm: spinach salad w/goat cheese, blueberries, strawberries, onions, almond slices; 2 beers
6:30pm: metformin+jardiance
8pm: granola w/blueberries and yogurt; 2 beers

The last real day of vacation

Today is the last full day we're here. Checkout of the hotel tomorrow morning and straight to the airport. 

I'm relieved to be going home. I miss Doug and Geoff and I miss that little dog. I'm tired of helping with her things. I just want to do my things, things I need to do. Things I'd rather be doing that isn't this. 

I remembered to set an alarm to check into my flight for tomorrow. I almost wish it was today. Almost. 

Happy to be having a little time with Jess though. I messaged last night to ask if they wanted to come down, and they said it sounded great. I told them I miss them, and the reply was "Ma, you saw me Monday."

Yeah, I know. But I do miss them. Not sure when the next get together is. Probably the funeral for my dad on Long Island when my sister and I can get our shit together and book that.  It was top of the list this week but got pushed down. 

Right now though I feel like we can make the call to the church next week. There's nothing on their website that is helpful. So a phone call will have to happen. 

This week here was rainy and humid, hot and horrible. Today it is crisp and clear, still hot but sunny and pleasant. I'm thinking of all the families who are packing up to go home to wherever today, after five straight days of yuck weather. And the families driving in tomorrow to start their week of vacation. 

The season is almost at an end here, a couple more weeks with kids not in school and then September is still always super nice so folks without kids will get their week or perhaps just a long weekend. 

I kind of wish I had a beach house to just go to and sit on a porch, or a kayak and close proximity to the bay. Today would be that day, I tell ya. 

We went to mom's again, got there around 2pm and I had called before we got there and gave her "permission" to go to lunch without us. 

She misunderstood that we wanted her to go first and we'd catch up. But we had so much work to do and skipped out on the date. 

We worked on cleaning the porch for 2 hours and still have more work to do. Jess came down and went to the restaurant and met up with Shirley who was mad that we didn't come to lunch, and let everyone know it. Sorry. We were so busy and caught up with getting things done, not a slave to the lunch clock as it were. 

After finishing up there, we met up with Alex and went out to dinner, had a great time and conversation. We anticipated an hour wait for a table at the little place we picked (revisited from last year) but they took us right in. Dinner was great, and we got a short walk afterward followed by some ice cream. 

I wanted to resist, but they had soft serve and I'm a sucker for it. Sorry blood sugar. As you can see in the digits below. 

We need to go over early tomorrow and tidy up the last of the paperwork and give her written instructions on some things she needs for meetings. My flight is around 1pm, and Linda is going to drop me off and continue home. I think Jess is going to hang around the beach here and relax, and head home late. Tomorrow's a big day. Sigh. 

Here's another picture. 

digits

exercise: 8/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

10am: 189
5pm: 151
11pm: 253

food:

coffee, water
10am: protein shake
2pm: metformin; protein chips+hummus
6:30pm: clam chowder, crispy fish & chips; hard seltzer
8:45pm: soft serve ice cream and sprinkles
9:30pm: metformin+jardiance

New Bedford is the one city I HATE

We got up early this morning (early for me). Linda is usually wide awake at 7:30 at the latest so she goes downstairs to smoke, and play games on her phone, check in at work. I've been sleeping until 9, or a little later. 

But today's mission was to take mom to the Social Security office. 

You can't report the death of a family member to them online, so she needs to go in person. Dad's been gone a month, and she has not yet done this task. Sometimes the funeral home reports stuff to the SSA, but we weren't sure. We reached out to them but didn't hear back. Even if they did, the thing we need to do is set up her survivor benefits. Super important.

Like I said, we thought she had taken care of it. But we found a few other things out (ie: She just stopped paying bills, had a lien on the trailer at some point but that seems to be clear but we don't know, etc etc) that were left undone, so we need to get this ironed out. 

I called her to tell her I was coming to get her at 8:30. Linda was going to work from the hotel and I was going to drive Miss Daisy. 

"I'm not going anywhere today," she says. 

Oh great. Here we go. Miss Obfuscation is playing me. 

"Why. Why are you not going anywhere today?" I asked

"There is a tornado in Rhode Island, and it is coming this way." 

I turned on the news to look and sure enough, Southeastern MA and Rhode Island were getting hammered. Not near us though. Not near us at all. So I tried to talk her into us going because this was all rolling north. 

"It's foggy and I'm not going over that bridge in the fog."

"You won't be driving, I am. I'm okay with it and this is literally the first thing we should have done this week, and this is our last business day here so come on."

No. She said she'd go Monday and one of the ladies from the restaurant would take her. 

Now mind you, the lady from the restaurant on Thursday said she's happy to help "but it isn't my place" to be the person doing these things. Lord, she's right. And here we are ready to do our duty. But we can't get the mule to budge. 

I gave up fighting. Instead, I watched the weather on the news, and drank coffee. I found the form on the SSA website she needed. I emailed it to her address so we could print it out there. I made a list of all the documentation she would need. 

I said "Go with God, little task. You're on your own come Monday." 

We schlepped over to her around 10am, and started digging through more paperwork. It started pouring, but I was still hopeful that we'd get over to the office in Falmouth to do all we needed to do even though this is a Friday in the summer. 

Linda ended up calling the office to double check on paperwork and got a human. So wonderful and helpful. They told her mom's town isn't serviced by the office in Falmouth and that we'd have to talk to the folks at the office in New Bedford. 

Linda called them and they said they'd set up a phone interview/meeting with Shirley, and she wouldn't have to go in person to do her survivor's benefits.

What a relief.

See, my mom. Well, she's special. She hates going places and I'm not sure what ever happened to her but if you even SAY the name "New Bedford" she will flip out. 

"NEW BEDFORD! THAT'S THE CITY I HATE THE MOST!" or "NEW BEDFORD! I HATE NEW BEDFORD!"

Like, Bitch. What'd New Bedford ever do to your ass. 

I like New Bedford. How about I take you there and we go out to lunch! Suck it! You are hanging out in New Bedford like it or not!!!  

Linda assured her that she didn't have to go in person to New Bedford after much yelling about how much she hates New Bedford. It took some convincing for us to let her know for sure no. No. She would not have to go to the city she hates the most. She has an appointment for a call, and they'll call her, and she will know the day, date, time and know to answer the phone instead of ignoring it. And she'll have the documentation she needs and everything will be okay. Without going to New Bedford.

It's become kind of a joke with us. 

When we drive up here, Doug sees the signs for New Bedford and then imitates my mother, yelling all about "that's the one city I hate!"

And then he laughs and laughs. If someone mentions New Bedford on TV, he does it. And laughs and laughs.

It's a bit exhausting. I wish people (aka Doug) would just stop with Shirley vs. New Bedford, but it makes him laugh, and hell, if it doesn't just bring him joy I'll allow it. 

With all the rain and weather, her phone went out a short while later. The driving rain and how much water there was out there probably knocked out some land lines. 

I got to play tech support: Why does the phone not work. All the other Verizon services work, just not the phone line. We called other phone numbers we knew were landlines and their phones worked. She was freaking out about it and I was trying to troubleshoot things and just needed some time to think. And access her Verizon account.

I called customer service and got nowhere with the "assistant" bullshit, and she didn't know her 4 digit pin for authentication. She didn't know her Verizon account number because it is always auto debited from her bank. So okay. Let's find an email to see about a bill payment acknowledgement but she didn't know how to access her email. I access the email, and there are no emails from Verizon about her account payments. Fudge. She's yelling about the dial tone and asking questions and uttering things like "jesus fucking christ I can't believe this bullshit" and interrupting me when I am trying to talk to the auto assistant, so of course it hears her voice and fucks up. 

Then she did a bunch of other shit just frustrated the hell out of me. She was yelling about the dial tone still and testing it constantly. I finally blew up at her because she was not helping, she was annoying the fuck out of me. Just go the fuck away and let me figure this out. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP. If you just shut up, I'll figure this out.

I was so frustrated because she just wants to play games on her computer and we need her to participate in this. Participate. Work with us. Get off your game and work on all this with us.

Eventually the dial tone came back but the line was staticky and awful. I told her to be patient and give it time. But she was still obsessed with it. 

Fuck it all I don't care. Lunch time. I'm actually hangry at this point.

We went out to lunch, I know she loves this place but I'm sick of it. I want something else. But there I am again eating a giant pile of scallops (I mean, they're pretty damn great). We let the person know at the restaurant that she was all set with the social security appointment, no Falmouth trip and hell... No New Bedford either. 

Linda and I came back to the hotel and took giant naps. My cousin Bill and his wife were nearby and texted to ask if we wanted to have dinner. Hell yes. I want to spend time with not-my-mom.

We had a wonderful time out together talking about parents, his mom is my mom's sister. We had a lot of laughs and it was nice to be out with them. 

When we told them about the whole thing with me blowing up, Laura said "For Zen Chrissie to blow up at her, it must have been bad." 

And yeah, it was. I felt bad. I feel bad. But she's just exhausting me. All she wants to do is play these puzzle games on her computer and we need her to sign a form or check her email because we just triggered a verification code. And she acts like we're poking her with a cattle prod or dragging her down a flight of stairs by her feet and killing her.

They encouraged us to stay with them next time we're up here, but our hotel is 3 minutes from mom's house, and they're about a half hour away. I kind of like being right here. But sure, we'll keep that in mind. Spending time with them is a blast and I love them.

Tomorrow Jess is coming down to hang out with us (yay!) and I think we're having dinner with a Guster friend that we had dinner with this night 1 year ago tonight after OTO 2022. 

Can't wait to see both of them. All told, we got a lot done for/with mom in spite of herself. Still more to do. But hopefully she is poised to finish the things we need her to finish. And then she can play her stupid puzzle games all she wants. 

Here's a picture from last year with Alex when we had dinner. I'm going to check and see if we can go to the same place, and walk on the beach. Now that tornados are over and shit. 

digits

exercise: 11/12 hours of 250 steps. Missed 7pm out at dinner

blood glucose:

8am: 181
6pm: 193
10:30pm: 150

food:

coffee, water
3pm: scallops plate w/beets and coleslaw
5pm: Metformin (forgot to bring it with me to lunch) 
7pm: marinated steak tips and broccoli; white wine
9pm: black cherry seltzers 
10:30pm: club crackers+brie slices

Paying Bills and Swimming

I've got mom's banking info, a stack of bills, and a box of wine. 

I don't want to write about some of the stuff we're going through paperwork wise, or how I feel about things, but today was exhausting. 

After we got back to the hotel, I made Linda go to the pool, and we had a lot of fun. The water was colder than I expected. I tried to lift Linda up with my feet under her butt, and it didn't go well. 

We were laughing so hard, I now have belly ache pains and muscle pains from exercising in the pool. 

Tomorrow I think we have to take mom to the social security office. She hasn't yet notified the Social Security Administration of my dad's passing and he's been gone a month. Folks have been encouraging her to do that and she just hasn't. There is a lot she's dragging her feet on. So, tomorrow is our last day to get things set the best we can. 

I feel tired and the joy of the three days with Guster and Guster Friends feels washed away. Sadly.

Digits, as usual, below. 

digits

exercise: 9/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

10am: 186
4:30pm: 214
11pm: 211

food:

coffee, water
11am: metformin, protein shake
2:45pm: buffalo chicken strips, small salad
8pm: metformin+jardiance, chicken cutlet sub w/lettuce, tomato, mayo, american cheese
through the evening: Lots of trail mix, wine+diet ginger ale

paperwork and phone calls

Still working on the Guster OTO post. But have updates for today. 

The air conditioning in our room isn't very good. Which is good for Linz but not me. I had a very restless and hot night's sleep. The window opens but literally just a fraction. It was a challenging night last night. The maintenance guy came by tonight to help, not sure if it is getting any cooler in here, but he did his best. 

I had scheduled a meeting with a client at 10:30 this morning. A couple other people in our office who needed to know how something works from the client's end joined us. It was a good meeting. I completely regretted scheduling it though because no. I'm on vacation. Next week and the week after should be extra busy for me, so while I regretted pulling an hour out of my vacation but I'm glad it is out of the way.

We headed over to mom's around noon, and made a couple phone calls about insurance. We have to make some more calls to the Union about continuing coverage. Right now mom has insurance through October but they have a bunch of paperwork she has to do to continue the insurance. We renewed her auto registration which was going to expire in September. Done, good. Yay. 

Lunch. Lunch at the favorite spot. We enjoyed a good visit and meal. Then went back to do more work.

We went to pay her insurance for the year on the trailer, and the website was stupid. I ended up calling the company, and got some help with setting up the online account. Here's a hint: If you require an email and phone, make sure the form has a space to add an email and a phone. Because, you can't fill out an application for an account with your company if those fields are missing. Duh. 

The account wouldn't be active for 48 hours, so we just wrote a check to pay the bill. But. Hey. The account will be set up for next year if needed? Yeah. Good. Done.

We made note of the auto inspection (January 2024) so that'll get done in the future.  We started to look at some bills. There were things overdue, things that needed to be called on but we put those aside. There is one for a collection agency but my mom hasn't paid it because she doesn't know what it is for. 

Mom has been scammed repeatedly over the past couple years, so much so that her bank shut down her ATM card and she has a "read only" account that she has to go in person to the bank and make cash withdrawals on. This account has her autopay things for payments coming in, and going out. She had opened another account with another bank, and so she goes to bank A and withdraws money, and drives it over to bank B. 

We logged into both accounts to check the balances, and we've been trying to convince her to close bank A's account and move all the deposits and debits to the other bank but she feels like it is too much of a hassle. Okay, fine. You do you, Pikachu. We have access to both accounts so we know what's going on. 

Tomorrow we are going to the doctor's office to get some medical power of attorney paperwork signed, for communication purposes. Linda called to ask what we needed to do and we have a plan. They're going to call us for when to come in tomorrow. We want access to her patient portal and billing. 

Done. Good. Yes. Got a lot done. Got more to do tomorrow. 

My mom's phone rings every 5-10 minutes. All sorts of calls from all sorts of phone numbers. Several calls came in, and she would swear and pick it up and hang it up. Or she'd let it go to voicemail. I was starting to get annoyed because shit, we are trying to do business here. 

I picked up the phone. 

No one was there, and after a while I heard a buzz and a click.

"Hello? Hello?" the voice said.

"Yeah, what." I replied.

"Oh hello ma'am. I am Vita calling from the service department."

"Sure you are, Vita. Fuck you you fucking fuck. Stop calling this number."

"Okay thank you ma'am." 

"No, Fuck you never call here again your shit stain. Suck my dick, kiss my ass, rot and go to hell, Service department my fucking ass."

"Okay Thank you ma'am, you too. You too."

Now, y'all know me. I'm nice.

But I'm not nice when it comes to this. I'm sick of these people calling my mom and bother in her. She thinks people are calling her from these numbers as physical locations like Natick and Worcester, MA. College Park, MD. Asheville, NC. 

It was about 40 minutes until the next call. 

"I GOT IT!" I yelled, and answered. 

Same drill, nothing and a buzz and click. 

"Oh hello ma'am. This is Paul calling from Insurance. You were recently in an accident and there is an outstanding payment for you for insurance money, so we need your banking account number to submit this payment to you."

"No. There was no accident. You are wrong."

"No ma'am you were in an accident. Don't you want this money." 

"You are a liar and you are wrong and no. Nope. No. No accident happened. You're full of shit. Don't ever call this number again. Go to hell and rot, you little shit."

Keep in mind, my mother has changed and unlisted her phone number a few times now.  

Part of me wants her to just fuck around with these people like this. But it's a full time job, innit? 

Fuck these guys. We're not sure how to end it or stop it. 

Tomorrow's a new day. Going to go and do more good work and paperwork, and maybe curse out some crumbums in the process.

Digits, below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

10am: 177
n/a mid day
10pm: 217

food:

coffee, water
12:30pm: metformin; protein shake
2:30pm: mixed fried seafood - scallops+shrimp; coleslaw, a couple fries
8pm: 2 slices of pizza; 2 left over small cheesesteak rolls; big piece of raspberry tart and piece of a chocolate mousse moosey thing. Metformin+Jardiance
several high noon seltzers

Porch Life Morning

 A nice, big fat writeup of OTO23 will happen, I'm sure. Or at least just a photo dump recap. Not sure what I feel like doing or have the energy for. I know I promised my coworker pictures. So I'll be pulling those together.

We stayed last night at C's cabin. Jess and Molly came to visit, C's cousin came over, we had great fellowship, wine and food. She threw a dinner party of amazing proportions of deliciousness for us all.  We enjoyed Porch Life thoroughly, slept well. We woke up this morning to pouring rain, coffee, hummingbirds at the feeder, and dog cuddles. C headed out because she's traveling tomorrow and has to get ready to go. I am sad she took the dogs with her. 

Porch Life is the best with dogs at the hip.

Today, Tuesday, yeah it is Tuesday, we are headed to mom's again and staying down there. It's pouring out right now, I'm in no hurry to leave. Part of me wants for us to go to Sawbelly Brewing but they don't open until 3 and we're not going to make it that long. We should hit the road before then and head south. Avoid rush hour, because traffic is no fun. 

Linda and I are just in the moment right now, hanging out, goofing off, just relaxing. We should get ready but neither of us feel motivated. After how busy a weekend we had, this is just nice. The rain is supposed to let up, and we should really begin our trek. 

Soon. 

Here's a picture from last night (note: not this morning! No wine before driving). Also I did not record food/blood sugar/meds but stayed the course and tested and everything. Nothing went awry. I forgot to take my reading this morning. Will get back on that grind tomorrow. Still eating/behaving right for the most part. So no digits below.

Fuck the Bows!

2pm
Once upon a time, my sister, Jess, Molly, and Ginger were making centerpieces for mom and dad's 50th anniversary. They were trying to do something with bows and things just were not going well. 

Eventually, the famous saying was intoned by my sister. "Fuck the Bows!"
FUCK THE BOWS! indeed. 

I may be entering my Fuck the Bows phase of crafting for this event. 

• I've yet to glue the nautical nonsense to my fishing nets. 
• I didn't make my headpiece. 
• I am probably not finishing lobsters. Maybe next year. Who knows. Maybe Linda, Ginger, and I can have a marathon lobstering tomorrow night. I'm packing things even if I'm not getting to them. 
• I need to remember to pack the right clothing for everything but prom night on Friday.
• I never did go get undergarments for my "boops." 

Speaking of packing, I still kind of need to pack. Like regular clothing. I've never taken two bags on a trip. I have a bag that may be good for carry on I hope it isn't too big. Gah.

I need to be far more intentional and organized than I usually am when I travel by car. You can say "Oh I need these shoes but my bag is full." Chuck the shoes in the car. "Oh here's a canvas bag of snacks." NO snacks. Water bottle? Yeah bring it. chuck it in the car. Chuck this in the back, chuck these things together in a plastic bag. Whatever. 

Now I feel like if I forget something, I'm doomed. But they have stores in Maine, right? 

Also, am I weird that when I travel I like to leave behind a clean house? Well, cleaner than my house is right now. So I just cleaned 80% of the bathroom. I did the sink, the tub, all around the toilet, took out the trash, put the bath mat in the wash. 

If, for some reason, people need to enter my home and I am not here I don't want them gasping. I don't want my bathroom to look like my mom's bathroom. A bathroom I cleaned for 3 hours that still isn't finished. I want them to say "Well she lived a busy life but the kitchen counter isn't disgusting."

Getting through the workday is important.
Watering the plants is important.
Making sure I bring clothes that I can scrub bathtubs and sinks in and not my dressy blouses is important.
Enough underpants is important. 
Breathing is important. 
You know. The basics. 

Needing a picture for this post, Here is Doug being a weirdo the other night with some wax from a gouda wedge. This guy. I tell ya. I'll miss him this week. 

10:45pm
At the hotel. Got all my shit organized, packed, in bags, out the door. Lots of traffic to the airport. Geoff got me there in plenty of time even with the traffic. I got my bag checked and somehow even though I had nothing in my pockets I set off alarms going through TSA. They had to do a complete pat down on me. They showed me the sensor that showed my CROTCH was bright orange. 

The girl asked me if there was anything I needed to tell her. 

Part of me wanted to make a joke like I'm fuckin' hot for the airport but. I know better. I said that I had nothing there, and nothing to hide. She asked permission to do a pat down, and if I wanted a private area. 

"No you do what you have to do, I'm not packing anything. Do I need to drop trou because if I do then yeah, a private room instead of here would be good." 

Full pat down, apologies about where she had to touch me. I'm sure she was thrilled about having to do it, and to be honest it wasn't invasive. 

The girl behind me had the same thing. I wonder if there is something weird with the machine? 

I sat at Obrycki's, the service was slow but friendly, and the food not so good. I remembered that Doug and I ate there once a long time ago and it was more meh than yay. I was filled of regret but I was far far away from the brewery foodrinkery all the way down the different concourse. 

I grabbed a prosciutto and mozzarella snack from a little shop nearby, it was good to get my steps in.

The flight from Baltimore to Long Island is about an hour. You're up in the air and then back down in no time. Linda and Ronnie picked me up and we got me checked in and I'm ready to fall asleep as it is. A little snack, some protein, a glass of wine, and we get to start our trek north after getting Ginger from the airport. 

Digits below, and goodnight to all. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. Got a couple dedicated 10s at the airports.

blood glucose:

8:45am: 183
5pm: 198
10:45pm: 192

food:

coffee, water
10:30: BLT salad w/can of tuna
11:30: metformin
3pm: pb (sandwich on 647 bread)
5pm: protein shake
6:45pm: 4 small crab balls, more breading than crab. 2 glasses of wine
7:45pm:metformin+jardiance; airport snack prosciutto+mozzarella
8:30pm: airport snack mix, mostly carbs
10:30pm: salami+mozz snacks, glass of wine

Making a list checking it twice

I'm probably not the only person on earth who makes travel arrangements, and then checks, rechecks, checks again, and rechecks the bookings repeatedly to make sure I didn't mess something up. Right?

Both Linda and I have screwed up hotel reservations recently, shorting ourselves a day and not hitting the right date on the date picker for check out. 

Last year, Linda booked us in a hotel by mom and dad and we were checking out Thursday. Housekeeping knocked on the door Wednesday to clean because we were supposed to be checked out. Mad scramble. I grabbed my laptop and booked the room (thankfully available!) and Linda ran downstairs to talk to the front desk. 

I accidentally booked myself in to the hotel in Maine a few months ago for the day I was working on the computer in June, not for the night I needed in August, because somehow I forgot to select the dates. I immediately realized what I did, called the hotel, got the date moved to August (and just had to cancel it because I won't be there that night.

Over the last 24 hours I've opened my Southwest and Marriott bookings and looked them over, again, and again. I can't mess this up. Not this time of year, not in Maine, and flights are crazy booked up. 

We were in Massachusetts last month and I checked "Thursday" thinking "I am staying through that day and checking out the next day, Friday!" but you're supposed to select the Check Out date, not the last night you think you're sleeping there. So we found ourselves shorted on the busiest weekend ever. Jesus what is wrong with my brain sometimes.  

With the chaos of being up there, not knowing how long any of us were staying, if anyone was staying  with Mom, what day the funeral was etc... we ended up having to book extra nights and move things around. The hotel front desk was so helpful. On the Friday night of the last weekend we were there, both Linda and I needed to extend to Sunday. But the place was fully booked. In fact, the front desk told us they were overbooked by 2 rooms. 

At one point I picked up my laptop and checked again and there were 2 rooms available. I grabbed them, got reservation numbers, and ran downstairs to check with the front desk. Sure enough -these were good. There had been cancelations, and enough so that there were rooms for us. 

The front desk lady was so sweet, and she said "your dad is watching out for you." 

Too true, lady. 

So today, here I am, double checking. Triple checking.
Am I flying to the right airport Wednesday (yes).
Do I have a hotel (yes)
one night? (yes)
okay alright okay alright.
Then we drive Thursday up to see my mom.
I booked myself my own room so Linda and Ginger can have solo time (plus they both like to sleep with the TV on and I like a podcast or nothing else.
So. Did I book the right day (yes)
one night? (yes)

That whole kind of thing. 

At this point, I'm super regretting not driving. 

I'm looking at my dress, the craft stuff I have not finished, the bracelets, the fact I think we are supposed to bring lawn chairs to the show for ourselves and the VIP section allows the taller camping chairs, whereas last year I bought the short beach chairs that are allowed for the GA area. 

I've never traveled with two bags before, but I think I need to check one, and use my bigger than a backpack, smaller than a real suitcase bag for my carry on. 

Is all my laundry done? Hmmm. 

I need to see if Linda has camping chairs. If not, we have to buy them and bring them. Ginger can't sit on the floor for 2 days. That's mean. 

Linda has the coolers. We need snacks. We'll buy them when we are at Mom's not when we get to Maine. that'll be too late, we won't have time. 

I sat in a webinar today and put a dot of epoxy on the knots on the bracelets I've made so far. Realizing some of these are way, way small. Gonna make some bigger ones for bigger humans. Hope the kids are happy with what they end up with. 

Next to trip the excess string. 

Next to glue things to the fish net for my costume.

I'll never finish the lobsters, even if I bring them with. That's a given. Anyway, here's part of the bracelet haul. I'm kind of impressed.

Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

9am: 182
5:30pm: 136
10:30pm: 198

food:

coffee, water
12:30: left over tzatziki  salad, small scoop of potato salad, cheeseburger left over from the other night
1:30pm: Metformin
6pm: 2 burned hotdogs in 1 bun; metformin+jardiance. White wine
7pm: bowl of yogurt, granola, cantaloupe
10:45pm: protein shake

The Hard Scramble and Pivot

My travel partners, Team Sara, have the Covid. They don't just have the Covid, they've had their asses handed to them. Sara has kept saying they were going to be fine! negative/not contagious in time to travel! I'm sure of that. Not gonna be contagious. For sure. 

But. 

Let's be realistic about Covid recovery. You're gonna be wiped the fuck out. Sure you're over it. But the honest truth is a three day rock show after 10 days of sicker than you have been in a long time is going to be unbearable. Could you get through 20 minutes of the Friday show with any sort of energy? I sure doubt I could. Holy hell. No. 

And yes, you had Covid before, but this time, it's really got you. You have to give yourself ample time to get better. You need rest, you need recovery, you need to be kind to yourself and not kill yourself just to go to a show. 

She called it this afternoon, thankfully. She let me know that they were pulling out. I know basically she'd be losing close to 2k between the tickets and the hotel. This sucks.

Jess and their friend agreed to take 2 of the 3 tickets and I'm taking their hotel. Jess and the friend will need a place to stay after all, and, I can stay with Linda and Ginger but I can also have Jess time too. We'll figure that all out. 

Once the reality of her decision set in, I knew I had to quickly figure out what my plan of action would be. Doug and I talked about it (and I tried to talk him into coming up with me just to come to Maine or whatever) we got it ironed out. 

The plan initially was: 
Team Sara to pick me up after work Wednesday afternoon. We'd drive to NY state/Bridgeport, somewhere near the Tappan Zee area like we did last year. Hotel. Resume in the morning and get to Portland Thursday afternoon. They were booked into a Home2Suites, and I didn't have a hotel because I thought Linda and Ginger would be up there Thursday. But no. They are coming Friday. 

Ope. So I grabbed a room at the same hotel where we were booked for Friday, because I'd be joining them anyway and it was just easy. Easy! I could concierge my bags or whatever, wait for them to arrive, and then we'd be cool and good to go to the show Friday night. Sara also said I could stay with them but Sean snores. But I could spend the day with them Thursday and pool with Henry, and just have the fun.

To be honest though. As much as I love them.

In my little heart of hearts I wanted a day/night alone. Truly alone. 

I haven't had more than a couple hours here and there. And I kind of just want to be alone to drink wine from a box, hang out in my jammy jams, make bracelets, drink wine from a box, fall into the swimming pool, come back upstairs, order delivery, make bracelets, drink wine from a box. Oh and finish up any prom planning costume things I need to do for my dress because I've neglected that element of things. damn. 

The rest of the trip was solid and none of this changes except for the fact Sara and them won't be with us. Friday night show, Saturday all day show, Sunday, oh... another all day show. Monday morning, Team Sara were to go on their way to head south. Linda and I are to take Ginger to the airport and head to C's cabin for relaxation night on Monday. Linda has to do payroll on Mondays so she needs to work but, aside from that, relaxation time. Then to mom's Tuesday. Stay at the hotel Tues-whenever we decide to head home. 

Instead. The new plan is: 
I'm flying to Linda on Wednesday evening. I'll stay at a hotel because she is not guest ready. She'll come get me Thursday, we go get Ginger from the airport, we drive to mom and stay at the hotel there on Thursday night. Quick visit with her, I'm sure she'll be happy to see Ginger. It's been a minute. Then Friday morning I want to get them out the door early, and get to Portland, so we can get our shit together for prom, and have everything all put together nicey nice and gorgeous and shit. 

After that, it's all smooth sailing. Jess will be with us and will have Molly or another friend come with. I'm super happy they are coming. It's been a while since Jess has wanted to come to a concert, and having my concert buddy with me again after a long hiatus will be so nice. 

For the on the way home thing, we're staying near mom Tues-Sun. We have banking and other things to do to help her. I'm sure we will be cleaning. I'm sure we will be exhausted. I booked the hotel even though one of us could in theory stay with her. But, the hotel is right there. And it has a pool. She doesn't. Well, she does but we're not residents so we are not allowed. 

My flight home is from Providence on Sunday. Flights were stupid crazy. Driving to NY with her to fly home here nothing was available that was affordable, and what was available was expensive and stupid. Fly from NY to Boston and wait 5 hours to fly to DC? no. 

So Providence had availability but not on Friday or Saturday. Sunday. That lengthens our trip but I'm sure we'll need the time with mom. 

It was a couple hours of logistics and mad dashes, and lots of texts and emails. But we nailed it down and it is still happening. 

Someone had this on their facebook today. I'm looking forward to seeing my people. And I do so miss them. I get to see Jess, and C and my sister and Ginger! I haven't seen Ginger since March. And so many others. So while I do not have the covid. I do have the I miss my homies bug. The only cure is being there.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

9am: 166
4:45pm: 144
9:15pm: 176

food:

coffee, water
10:45am: cup of granola, generous cup of greek yogurt, 1 peach
11:30am: metformin
5pm: white wine
6:30pm: chicken breast marinaded in a tzatziki saucemayo/greek yogurt, olive oil, lemon, garlic, parsley, greek oregano, rosemary; cucumber, red onion, same sauce as above

If they Shenan once, you can bet they'll Shenan-again

I didn't post Saturday's entry because I literally just fell into bed, hot and sweaty at 9pm. Digits for both weekend days will be below. 

Since I'm out of town the next two weekends, on Saturday we realized we could either do yard work or go out to a favorite brewery called Mad Science up north, and see if our friends M&M were free. We picked a brewery day.

We have a tendency to not plan ahead very well, and they have a tendency to actually plan things weeks in advance. We haven't seen each other since the Coheed and Cambria show a few months ago, things just weren't clicking schedule-wise. 

Wonderfully, they were free and asked if they could bring some of Mike's new co-workers who literally just moved here from Iowa. Like, literally arrived on Friday. And here it was Saturday morning. Absolutely. Yes. Bring them. 

Welcome to Maryland, have a beer.

They have some incredibly tasty brews and I decided to try their Dunning-Kruger Effect beer, low ABV, and like a sour lemon candy. you can get an infuser of berries shot through it, and man is it delicious. He brews in very small batches, so sometimes things aren't available. But he had everything we wanted and I am regretting that we didn't buy some to bring home. 

They have a brewery dog named Sinnamon. And I love her. She welcomes everyone and makes the rounds of all the people, visits the tables, gets snacks and pats. 

But she was a little off her game yesterday, on the floor, in one spot, kind of shaking. Brian (the brewer) told us there was an incredibly bad thunderstorm last weekend, and she was still shook from it. He said she gets PTSD from storms, and it takes a while for her to rebound. I did give her love and scritches, but she didn't want a pretzel which of course, was a little surprising. Poor bean. 

The new folks are really sweet. I feel like they are very very young humans. They have 3 kids, and the oldest of them is 10. So to me, these are like baby grown ups. But they like the Regular Show, and my guess is M&M will probably all get together again for some fun. We all had a delightful time, and lots of laughs. 

I also am very proud of myself for not buying more plants. 

We are very fond of this little brewery, and the owner/brewer posted to Facebook that he had cancer a few years ago and now it is back. He won't know more about what's up until he gets a PET scan soon. Wishing him the best. Aside from making some of the tastiest beers out there, he's just a super nice and smart guy. 

Doug and I left to head home, and the GPS routed us off the highway and right by another much adored brewery called Landmade. The temperature was starting to drop, nicely. It was past dinner time, and boy was I hungry and could use some protein or something. 

They have a permanent food truck that makes some excellent burgers so we opted to have small dinner. After the dinner snack and a beer we headed home. 

Pictured, lil'wee table decorations, Doug's beer "Wander" which was peach infused. My beer, Marley, an American Pale Ale with honey.

The view of the barn/grounds. Tons of space here, not just in the tent but fire pits and tables everywhere. An excellent place to chill and hang.

Further out, from the parking lot.

Hard to see, but there are goats (some were hiding) and crepe myrtles in the background! 

And small children looking at goats.

It was a fun day out for us, a little too much beer, not enough food. But fun no matter what. My blood sugar was not thanking me, and I was tired from the heat. Happy to get home.

At about 4:30am Phineas fell out of bed. He had put himself to bed in the guest room (hilarious to me that he does this) and I slept in my bed for a change. Didn't realize that my body being on the exposed side of the bed was probably very helpful to the bean and he just rolled the hell off the edge. I heard him hit the floor and got up to help him. He was all legs and flailing. He could not stand up, so I lifted him up and put him on the carpet at the foot of the bed until he could stand stable. I walked him outside and then took myself to the bathroom while he did what he needed to do. 

Then I went to bed with him after. Thinking I need Geoff to bring up all the guest pillows so I can build the dog a pillow fort/wall protector and prevent this from happening. Doug didn't hear him fall, so this would be a problem with me out of town. Since Phineas hates our mattress (we ruined his life) he refuses to get in our bed.

Doug did a bunch of yard work this morning after I got up. Our neighbor has been complaining that we let stuff grow on the fence between our houses. He went and trimmed up the overgrowth, just to shut her up. We noticed recently she has no trees on her property. Nothing. So he had asked her why, and she had them all removed because it was too much to keep up with (ie: paying the lawn service to also take care of leaves). She complained that our Crepe Myrtle is too big, and hangs over the fence to her yard. And our giant maple drops leaves in her yard. 

Lady. Honestly. We are not cutting down trees. So don't even hint that is what you want. Ain't gonna happen. 

But Doug at least did some things to placate her. And as a result, he's been suffering with allergies all day and miserable, so this has monkeywrenched our day. He's grumpy, sleepy, AND sneezy!

I loaded the dishwasher, got the laundry ready, set up the pitcher for sun tea, got bacon going, talked to Guster fans about our shenanigans for next weekend. Looked at bracelets. 

I've run out of the letter T. This is a crisis. My friend Dave as in "Shenanigans With" asked me how I would make him a TRUMP bracelet. I said sorry - I can make you a "RUMP" bracelet. Would that do? I'm funny. 

We had a cantaloupe that was dangerously close to being no good so I took the time to chop it up into little squares. I've mixed it with some peach slices and a couple red raspberries. Now I'm trying to decide if I'm going to put it in wine or in yogurt+granola. Choices. 

I had some loose tea leaves from a gift someone had given me last year, and didn't want to dump them into the pitcher, but I really wanted to use them. I was all ready to order a new loose tea doohickey when I found the old dinosaur tea holder that we'd given Jess years ago. When Jess moved out, a lot of things didn't go with, simply because they didn't have the space for things. Hence, me having little teapots and tea ... thingies. What are these called? Anyway. I was thrilled to find it, filled it with the fancy flavored tea leaves and plopped it into the pitcher. 

The pitcher is pictured with our dreaded-and-hated-by-the-neighbor Crepe Myrtle. Alright. Digits down below. 

Sunday digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

9:30am: 203
5pm: 187
10pm: 183

food:

coffee, water, iced coffee
11:30am: several slices of bacon; grilled cheese w/bacon and tomato, 2 slices American cheese and 2 slices of 647 wheat; metformin
3pm: 2 left over hot sausages
6:30pm: 1 cheeseburger over potato salad (egg, bacon, etc); metformin+jardiance
vodka tonic

Saturday digits

exercise: 8/12 hours of 250 steps. Lots of car sitting and beer drink sitting

blood glucose:

7:30am: 150
xpm: no afternoon reading
10pm: 210

food:

coffee, water, iced tea, beer
11am: pbj "quesadilla on 2 pieces of small fajita wraps; metformin
Brewery 1: pretzels. 3 beers
Brewery 2: 1 smash burger (should have gotten a double patty) no bun, onions, cheese, special sauce, 1 beer
7pm: 1 generous cup of greek yogurt, 1 perfectly over ripe juicy peach, 1 cup of granola. Metformin+Jardiance
8pm: several slices of gouda cheese