First Day Jitters

My two favorite small humans went off to first day of school today. 

Both are very anxious and worried. The first grader isn't sure what he's worried about. The third grader can't articulate his feelings to his mom, but he is deep in them. Both moms are, consequentially, anxious and nervous themselves. 

I have kept this blog since 2001, I'm pretty certain I can go back to first day of school posts from back in the day, especially about Geoff, and find the night before jitters and the day of panics and the first week oh-no this didn't happens.

I went back and read some stuff from 2003 when Geoff went to public school and how we didn't even get a few days into the school year before we were called into the office to talk about him, and his behaviours. I'll be forever grateful for the first grade teacher he got. She really understood him. After years of working in a SPED class in another school in the district, she had a bead right on him and got a spot on set of advice for us. Reading the entries from 2003 really did shake me a little. 

You forget what it is like when you live through a thing, and then you get far from that thing, and wow. Yeah. That was a lot back then.

Geoff is 26 now and alive and well, we can say he survived all this, and so did we. And so will they, my friends and their boys.

There were times when yeah, it was really stressful and heartbreaking. But he made it! And life is always hard and challenging, and 20 years ago challenges I feel like I could handle today with an open heart and less terror. Today challenges are overwhelming and burdensome. 

Geoff is looking for work and nothing is panning out but I hear all the time about hospital staffing shortages and I don't understand why someone won't hire him. 

So it is a different set of circumstances. First day or every day jitters. How we decide to walk through them is up to us. 

Here's a picture of Geoff from first grade, from Halloween that year. How appropriate this is what he wanted to dress up as. And I'll never ever forget it. 

I actually went to Flickr to see if I had first day of school pics and I don't have any of him or of Jess. For Jess I know I have print pictures from them getting off the bus, little purple jumper, bright blond hair, looking kind of relieved to be home. I guess I wasn't that parent who takes pictures of the kids on the first day of school for posterity's sake. Not saying that's a bad thing. I don't have pictures my mom took of me. And I'm alright. Anyway. 

Digits are below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 

blood glucose:

8:30am: 180
4:30pm: 175
10pm: 169

food:

coffee, water
1pm: grilled cheese on 647 bread w/several slices of ham; metformin
1:30: blueberry oatmeal muffin (there are only 2 left now... hate to see them not get eaten!) 
6:15pm: Bowl of Chili, meat, beans tomato, etc, over a bed of fritos, with shredded cheese and sour cream
7pm: trail mix: almonds, cashews, walnuts, raisins, chocolate chunks.
white wine