Ride Or Die

Five years ago last night was the last official night I spent living in Massachusetts. Well, I spent the night in NH, not Massachusetts. But. Five years, yo.

It was a complicated day at the end of a complicated week in Operation GTFO. Thankfully I blog in detail sometimes. 

Our car had died at the airport in Manchester NH when Doug flew up to help gather up a car load of things to drive back to Maryland. The original Operation GTFO plan was: 

• He was going to drive the car, the boy, the dog back to Maryland. 
• I was going to stay and meet the movers and get a lift to the train to the airport to Maryland and to the new life later that week. 

But the universe had an alteration in the fabric of our beautiful plan, and we had to pivot. The full aftermath of the events is in the entries linked here, from when I finally made it to Maryland and could sit down and write it out. 

Plan B enacted, we rented a car. Honestly of all the places for the car to die, the cel phone lot at an airport where there is a car rental building that you can just walk up to and rent a car at, what a blessing, how lucky. Beats the shit out of it dying on I-93. 

He loaded the car up, and took the boy, the dog, the things down to Maryland as planned, just in a different vehicle.  I waited for our beautiful wonderful mechanic Kevin (I miss him so much) to fix the boo boo car. 

I canceled my flight, waited for the car, got a ride to his garage, picked up the vehicle, and dealt with the adjustment. cool cool new plan cool.

Once the moving truck left, I was going to stay near Manchester NH that night, because I had a bunch of toys and things that I was giving to a friend for her little boy (shit, what is he now, 6 or 7?!). 

Jess went up with me to NH because why not, so then I had to drive them back to their apartment, and then I was not sure where to stay. 

But then.

Plans change again. C told me I should stay at her place. And I'm so glad I did. I got there so late. Her dogs were so happy to see me. I sat on the loveseat near the kitchen while they literally worshiped me, sitting on my feet and flopping all over the place. I still remember C mixing up white russians, and whipping out the waffle iron, and mixing up the mix, and making bacon, and just having this moment. 

My quote about it in the blog entry was: 

You know you have a good friend who makes you a cocktail and bacon & waffles at 11:30pm because she is worried that you did not eat.

And that, my friends, is the best kind of friend. 

C was recently on a trip and was talking to some people about our friendship. She used the term "Ride or Die" when talking about me, and the Europeans didn't know what that meant. 

Super funny how sometimes slang translates easily, and multiple cultures know what something is or means just by what it sounds like. Or, not. I used to think Tits Up was the same as Belly Up. I thought it meant someone wiped out and/or some situation was a total failure, so whatever the thing was ended up flat on its back with boobs were pointed at the ceiling. Like Belly Up refers to fish when they're dead. 

But Tits Up refers to airplane controls in WWII when the plane would be in failure, and the gauges would invert and fail, they'd flip over like a W to an M, and it looked like boobs pointing upward. Delightful. So that's pretty much where that comes from. But you can't help but thinking of someone wiping out, landing on their back, and their boobs pointing up now, can you? Or a fish, with boobs, kipping on its back.

"Ride or Die" indicates a Thelma and Louise feel to me. I know a lot of people use it all the time, and in my mind, it isn't something to utter lightly. No casual pal is a Ride or Die. You may be super close with someone but you don't want to take a big sip off your iced coffee, set it down, and then brawl with an entire Dunkin' Donuts with them. 

You may stand there, hold the iced coffee, and say "girl, please, let's just go outside and let it go." 

You're willing to hold hands and drive off a freaking cliff together with your ride or die. I guess you could also say Butch & Sundance, or Frodo & Sam too for examples of ride or die. 

Well. All these years later and "My Girl C" as I've referred to her many times is still one of the few people I'd drive off a cliff with. I can think of only a few others. And I love her. Looking back on Waffles & White Russians night, I'll remember it always. 

She probably hates this picture. But I do not. I think she is cute and I love her Newburyport sweatshirt from Richdales. We've got the ocean, and it was a beautiful day, and I realize we do not have enough pictures together. 

So we'll have to remedy that. Soon. 

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+3. While cooking dinner, Doug went to get Geoff at the train and I managed to get a little walkabout inside as it is raining.

blood glucose:
9am: 201
5pm: 233
9:30pm: 171

food:
coffee, water
9:30am: apple
10:45am: 3 sticks of celery w/peanut butter
12:30pm: Metformin, 2 egg omelet w/2 slices of havarti and 2 slices of ham. Call it the HHH. Ham, Havarti, Huevos! 
5:30pm: Metformin+jardiance; bowl of mac & cheese with ground beef (probably gonna super break the blood glucose even worse!)
8pm: peanut butter & jelly on 647 bread (dinner was not satisfactory); gin and tonic

French Onion Happiness

(forgot to hit publish before going to bed last night) 

My blood sugar was decent last night before I went to bed, but I tested it this morning and it was 200. And it was high all day long. How? I slept. I didn't eat cake while sleeping. The only thing I didn't do was take a walk yesterday ... did that fuck up my blood sugar? I am so surprised by the numbers today. Before the cookie during office hours. 

Anyway. 

Tried to avoid the carbs all day except for the cookie. Last one out of the humongous batch Geoff and I made earlier this week. I really should have gone for a walk today but I had a long chat with C, who is in Switzerland (wooo!) and then my sister. We were catching up on the big hurricane Ian news across Florida. Thinking on the Naples waterfront still, and my cousin Deb just moved to Fort Myers so the family was concerned with catching up with her. And then it was dinner.

I made French Onion soup today. Labor intensive? Not really. Just something that requires patience. 

I had a half hour between meetings and sliced up the onions, threw them in butter, let them melt down for a half hour while I was in another meeting. I threw in a can of non-alcoholic beer instead of a big cup of red wine, a splash apple cider, a box of beef stock. 

Simmer simmer simmer. A full pot reduces to a half slowly and beautifully.

Once it was time for dinner, I toasted slices of french bread cut in rounds, topped with butter and a sprinkle of garlic. Then I put 3 slices of havarti on top of each of my little soup crocks that I love so much. And shit if that wasn't just better than the usual shredded gruyere cheese I usually like to use ... Havarti is so much less expensive. And it melted perfectly, bubbled over the edge, stuck to things. Very amazing. 

I'm only sad this made a yield of 4 bowls instead of like.... eleven. Look at that gorgeous cheese overflow onto the edges to the side of the crocks. Damn, son. Damn. 

digits

exercise: not again tonight!

blood glucose:
9am: 200 
5pm: 259
9pm: 207

food:
coffee, water; iced coffee
9:15am apple & peanut butter
10:15am a few slices of pepperoni
11:30: pbj sandwich on 647 bread
1:15pm: Metformin. 3 lettuce wraps with romaine, sliced roast beef, cream cheese; 1 2 good yogurt
3:15pm: chocolate chip cookie
5pm: metformin+jardiance
6pm: crock of french onion soup, 3 slices of havarti, 2 slices of french garlic toast on top 
7pm: several slices of snacky Edam cheese

Alarm Clocks

I sometimes don't know who to thank or curse over the creation of alarm clocks. 

This morning, Phin got me up at 7 (he's my alarm clock most days) and I let him out, fed him, checked on the coffee that Geoff made at 5am to see if he'd turned the power off or not (he sometimes does, so then the coffee is cold, but today it was hot). When Phin came back in,  we decided to snuggle back into bed for another 90 minutes, snooze or not snooze, cuddle, maybe play with my phone (just me, not him).  I did doze, and he did snore. 

It was bliss.

The weather has been super nice lately, so I have been happy to sleep with the windows open every night and wake up freezing. It was 58 degrees in the hallway. Perfect for blankies and piddows and snooshy smooshy zzzz, ahhh.  

I enjoy all the usual sounds with the windows open: the birdies; the crickets; the rumble of the train and its lonesome whistle in the distance; the hum of the Beltway traffic; the cars going down the street hitting the speed bump in front of my house and squeaking their suspensions; the contractor vehicles hitting the speed bump in front of my house and all their gear slamming back down onto the vehicle frame. 

And a this morning, new one.

Someone's alarm clock going off.

Way off somewhere in the neighborhood the buzzbeep went on and on. I was cozy in bed, cuddled in with Phin, and didn't want to get up to close the windows. But oh my God. Why. 

There should be a law.

The FCC should get involved, make it so if an alarm clock goes on for more than 5 minutes it automatically turns off. And by law, if someone commits the atrocity of setting their alarm and leaving on vacation, or going to work, they're fined or arrested. 

When Linda and I were in Boston, we paid a large amount of money for a very nice hotel in downtown. Linda had always wanted to stay there. So. I treated her. 

The beds were horribly uncomfortable, and the doors were plywood. We could hear people walking up and down the hall, chatting by the elevator, and... someone's alarm clock going off in a room somewhere down the hall. 

I ended up calling the front desk to complain, and ask if someone could please  come turn it off. The front desk person asked if I was sure I was hearing an alarm clock from one of the rooms. I tried not to be sarcastic saying, well, it isn't the alarm clock going off in my brain.

I also said, "you should have housekeeping make this a task on their room setup. Clean the toilet, make the bed, check the fucking alarm clock to make sure it is not set for 5:45am. Please send someone up to find it, and turn it off. Maybe someone set it to go to the airport or something and they already left and forgot. Or maybe a hotel guest is dead."

Minutes later, I heard security in the hall talking. "Yeah, it's coming from over here." Then it stopped, I heard that room door slam, and they chatted on their way back to the elevator about "wow that must have been annoying."

Yes, it was. Thank you. 

See? I'm not crazy. 

My dog is exceptionally adorable tonight. Look at him. 

digits

exercise: I passed on a walk tonight and now that it is 10pm I regret it. Never thought I'd say that.

blood glucose:
9am: 161
5pm: 172
9:30pm: 158

food:
coffee, water
10:30am: 2 good strawberry yogurt
11:15: ramekin of chicken salad (before doug eats it all)
noon: 4 chocolate chip cookies (stress eating)
1:30: apple. Metformin
3pm: 2 pieces of leftover chicken thighs from dinner the other night
7pm: 3 pieces of grilled chicken thighs, huge giant salad with goat cheese, romaine, grape tomatoes, cukes

Dogs

My friend Bree had to let her dog go today (well, her dad's dog, and her sister has been taking care of her since mom passed recently, but her dog too), my high school friend Jonathan let his Maggie go, and my sister is going through some medical things hard with both of her dogs. 

So it's a night to think about dogs. 

Dogs are awesome and cool and amazing. I've had some unbelievable dogs. And I've loved them all, but Jack will always stand out as the best dog I've ever had. Phineas is pretty amazing, but, you know. Parents say they never have a favorite but, I guess I do. I'll admit it. 

When Jack had to be let go, I wrote this for him. I still feel this way. And I know he waits for me. I'm in no hurry, I assure you, but when I read that blog post about him I remember his tail wagging. My mom called him the Canine Air Conditioner because he could fan a room and keep it cool. And his ears were indeed bunny rabbit soft. 

It's bedtime right now, Phineas is pacing between me here on the couch and the bathroom door because he is impatient for us to go to bed. I'll come to bed. 

No picture today, just... dogs on the mind.

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+21. 31 minute neighborhood Pokemon walk.

blood glucose:
8am: 161
5pm: 191
10pm: 220

food:
Coffee, water
9:15am: 2 good cherry yogurt
noon: Metformin. chili mac. 1 scoop of Velveeta Mac&cheese with bacon (left over from Geoff's lunch); topped with 2 giant scoops of chili from last night. 
12:30: small ramekin of chicken salad (since I was making it had to eat it)
2pm: another small ramekin of chicken salad (because it was that good)
5:15pm: metformin+jardiance; cheesesteak filling (meat, cheese, mushrooms, onions)
7pm: 2 cookies (one peanut butter, one chocolate chip)

A Walkabout

I was out walking in the neighborhood on Sunday, the weather was perfect, and I was loving it. 

I started thinking of days when I'd be walking home from the train when we first moved here. It's about 3/4 of  mile, and easy neighborhood terrain. 

You'd think.  

The tiny little hills on the streets would crush me on days when I was tired after work. It felt like I was climbing a mountain. 

Especially when it was hot out. Which it is. All the time pretty much.

I hated it.

There was nowhere to stop and rest. No benches or stone walls. It was brutal to me. So I'd stop and breathe and rest, standing on the sidewalk wishing for a stone wall at someone's yard, or a hiking pole like I'm some sort of Appalachian Trail hiker, to just take a load off and be patient and kind to my body. I found a couple of places on the walk home, if I changed my route slightly, where I could sit and rest, and then do the next couple blocks.

But now I can walk all over this neighborhood like I own it. No complaining, up and down or straight shots, I've got it. Especially now that it isn't 900 degrees. 

I took two walks on Sunday, technically. I walked 3 blocks up to hit the Pokemon Gym, and realized I didn't have my fitbit on me (it was on the charger). I turned back instead of continuing the way I'd usually go, went to the house, got the fitbit on, and then walked 20 something minutes on a different route to get some time on the fitbit. Then before dinner, I went back up the street to the Pokegym to get that time I lost out on. It is 10 or 11 minutes up and back, pretty much. So I got the 30 minutes total I was looking for.

My friend darling Alex has been hiking a lot of mountains and trails over the past couple years. He posts his trips and pictures on Instagram and Facebook, and I'm blown away by what he does. All the 4000 foot peaks he crushed that over two summers. Then this summer he did the "Pemi Loop," which is supposed to be a "multi" day hike but he did it in one day, which is madness.  A few weeks ago, he went to Colorado, and did 13k and 14k footers. Coming up there from sea level, it's good that he's done a lot of hiking here in the East because even when I was there to see Guster in 2021, the altitude in Colorado is something you can feel right at the outset of being there. He said he felt it, but, handled it. And I'm so proud of him. 

I feel inspired by my friends when they do big things. If Alex can hike 5 hours of mountains and go up over 3 or 4 4000 ft peaks in a day. I can walk up the street, right? 

These aren't steps up a 4000 foot mountain but every day I get off my ass and do the "Dedicated 10" is better than any day I do not.

I took a picture of a rose on my walk today. Too bad you can't smell it. You can smell these a half a block away. Fantastic.

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+32!
22 min walk inside. 22 min walk outside. 44 min total. 

blood glucose: 
8:15am: 163
5pm: 153
9:30pm:173

food:
coffee, water
9am: 2 chocolate chip cookies
10:30am: 2 good yogurt (cherry)
noon: Metformin; Tuna salad with celery on 647 bread
2:30pm: 2 celery stalks w/peanut butter
3:30pm: hostess ding dong
5pm: 2 chocolate chip cookies; metformin+jardiance
6:30pm: Bowl of chili with scoop of sour cream and shredded colby jack.
8:30pm: a couple fritos, scooped into some chili while cleaning up from dinner

A Hoarders Update of sorts

We hadn't heard from Doug's aunt in several weeks. 

I think before I went to Maine was the last time I touched base with her. Doug's mom asked if we had hear from her, and aside from sort of weird rambling email that Doug got asking if we'd been trying to contact his cousin, that was it. And no. We weren't trying to get in touch with his cousin.  

So, I emailed her to check in early last week. 

At about 2am Saturday she emailed me. Got the long sad story of how her son won't help with anything, she can't get more things done, all because he is unhelpful. She's stuck and needs help (note: she didn't ask 'can you please come help' just like she never says 'thank you for everything you're doing.' She's oblivious...), and all the gory details of her dental work. 

The dentist office "refuses" to do any more work on her, because she owes them money. "They shouldn't be allowed to refuse anyone healthcare. It's criminal and they are money hungry." Um. No. Not really. That's... a service you pay for and you should pay for it. They're not money hungry. This is business. Businesses get paid. Get on medicaid or medicare or whatever you may need in order to have the gubbmint pay for your health care, lady. Dental should be covered.

But at the end of the day, the story is always the same: Everyone's always mean to her, or out to get her. Everyone is unreasonable. She's the victim. Always. 

It's kind of horrible to sit and listen to someone who views the world in this manner.

The dishwasher is still in its spot, but she did have a service person come look at it. It needs a new pump. But she should have said "please take this out of here," or "What day are you coming back to install a new pump in it and repair it."  

But "someone" and I do not know who this would be, someone, gave her a countertop dishwasher.  Which I've never heard of but it looks kind of cool. 

But. She can't hook it up because she needs to get at the hose for the water, which.... you're following me on this right? .... which is attached to the dead dishwasher stuck under the cabinet. 

Additionally.... where the fuck does she think she's going to put a countertop dishwasher anyway? She has no space on the counter. No space at all. So this is dumb. Not the solution. It's another thing in her life that she doesn't need, that doesn't solve her problems. 

The dishwasher has to go. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I regretted asking. And I have not replied.

My hand is not well enough to go and do stuff and actually help, so I am disinclined. And Doug didn't suggest we go over (yet), so I am thankful for that. He's not in the mood to help anyway.

I read him the email, and he's at the point where he's going to basically tell her (not suggest) but tell her she needs to have professional help come in from Elder Services and get this taken care of with her. Because she undoes everything we have done this year, and she just needs to finish it all up.  

She's refused their help before. So this suggestion is the right thing to do but she will not go for it. Stubborn. So stubborn.

And looking around my house right now the past couple weeks have gotten a little messy so ... maybe I can clean my own mess and not worry about hers. When my hand feels much better. 

The upside is, there's a chain of restaurants called Buffalo Wing Factory out in that area (Loudon, Sterling, Chantilly, Reston...) and one of the locations is super close to her house so I swear to God himself that's reason enough for going out there.

If you have room in your heart, say a prayer for Doug or send him some mojo. He's about to go to HR and upper management and discuss his work situation, which is unacceptable and he's miserable. He loved his job. Loved it. Was so happy. And then they reorganized his department, his boss left, and he's just not doing well. He's super depressed. He needs some light and love in his heart. 

Anyway. It's been a little stressful. I am sad that he's so sad and abused, and he was so very happy there. So carve out a corner for him if you'd be so kind. I don't want to talk any more about it. Just in case anyone's reading this that could use anything against us. 

I want some buffalo wings now that I'm thinking about what I said earlier, but I do not want to go out that way. heh. 

Doug went to put the lawnmower in the shed this morning and called me outside to see these crazy ass giant crickets. They are all over our yard, just like the cicadas were this summer. They like our shed. Doug said they were all over the lawnmower, eating the freshly mown grass, and singing. 

The south is full of giant assed bugs, yo. Hopefully you, dear reader, are not too bug phobic. Because .... I had to share these pictures. Just for reference, their antennae are wider than my hand. It is super hard to see in the pictures, but. Hohmygod.

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+12 this morning on a pokemon walk. I forgot my fitbit (it was on the charger) so later on, another 11 min. walk. 

blood glucose:
10:30am: 170
6:15pm: 179
11:15pm: 171

food:
coffee, water
10:30am chicken salad (about a cup)
noon: 2 slices of 647 bread with pb&j
3pm: 2 good yogurt (cherry) 
5pm: beer (2 pints, wanted to drink the last of my Guster beer before my son got it!) 
6:15pm: metformin+jardiance; chicken parm 
7:30pm-10pm, another couple beers and a lot of cookie dough (Geoff and I baked tonight)

Breakfast Burrito Saturday

This morning, I was thinking about some of the cool little places we've had breakfast at in the southwest. Tucson, Tempe, Phoenix, Silver City. I guess I'm feeling like travel there would be fun. I was thinking about the red and green sauce "Christmas style" that they'd zig zag across the top of the burrito. The sauteed onion, pepper, melty cheese, just right fluffy scrambled eggs, salsa, sausage or bacon. 

I wasn't thinking about the hash browns. No I was not. 

I decided I'd whip up our own breakfast burritos this morning in the spirit of. Doug has been in an epic shit mood for the past couple weeks (work related) and so I'm trying to be kind, even if he is snappy with me (he was this morning). 

Breakfast Burrito is the answer and cure to a grumpy mood sometimes. 

I whipped up 3 eggs and scrambled them, topped with shredded cheddar while still in the pan to get the cheese super melty. I microwaved 2 breakfast sausage patties and diced them up. Then I spread hot salsa on the low-carb wrap. 

The wraps were too small - there are two sizes that we usually get and these were unfortunately not the big assed ones that would hold a honking bunch of breakfast burrito. I had intended on giving Doug the first 3 eggs done up and make just 2 for myself, but no way that was gonna fit in here. 

Boo. 

So I split the scramble up between us. Small portions, but it fit in the wraps and I was able to roll them up. If it was served on a plate with knife and fork, seam down, it would not have been noticeable the shitty job I did, but that's okay. It held together. 

We don't have the squirt bottles of red and green salsa (and they sometimes have a white sour cream too)... but it was a tiny bit of joy on a plate this morning. Some mexican beans and rice would have rounded it out beautifully.

It made me happy, maybe it will help make him happy. I hope. He worked the puzzle for a while this morning and now he's once again looking for jobs. Not very happy. He has expanded his job search up to Baltimore and down to Richmond. I'm not interested in moving to Richmond. It's 2 hours away. So a commute down there would be horrible. We could probably get him a room for rent situation for a while, and I'd stay here while Geoff finishes school. He said not to get ahead of myself thinking and planning but you know me. I have to envision what the situation might be in order to be comfortable with it. Heck, he could even stay with my cousin. 

It would be like the Odd Couple for sure. 

Oh, and our friends who are relocating to the area have picked their place up in Frederick, the move date is 11/1, and I'm super excited that they'll be here! Can't wait. Even an hour away, it'll be wonderful to have them nearby. Yay! 

For a picture today.... Here's a couple pictures from our fence. We have some sort of vine thing with white flowers that is at the southeast end of the fence, and then our poor morning glories, which are mostly dead but still have a ton of flowers showing on them in the mornings. A tale of two thingies. Time to take the morning glories down, I guess.

digits

exercise: Long walk outside. Dedicated 10+28. Pokemon stroll on a really nice nice afternoon.

blood glucose:
9am: 167
6:30pm: 171
10:30pm: 123

Food: 
coffee, water
11am: Breakfast Burrito. Small low-carb wrap, 1.5 (ish) eggs with salt & pepper, shredded cheese, salsa.
1pm: metformin
2pm: Hostess Ding Dong (damn you!)
6pm: apple; metformin+jardiance
7pm: pork chops & mixed veggies; vodka tonic
10:30pm: 2 large celery sticks with peanut butter

Target Reached

 It was a long and busy week, kids. 

I literally was just working on the last email I need to send out today. Just hit send. I have to fix something for this station that I just emailed and I think I'll do it before Monday. It is 10:50pm. 

And he emailed back to ask a question. I kind of feel like my job never ends. I try to make it end. I try to do all my work between 9am and 6pm. or 8 and 5 or 8 and 7. But sometimes the work just never ends, does it? 

There have been a lot of articles recently about Quiet Quitting (NPR has a ton of them) where people just decide to do the 'bare minimum' and work the exact hours that their job descriptions outline. And that's that. 

The pulling extra time to get the job done, the hustle, the clean slate each week even if it means taking an extra 5, 10, 20 hours to get it all done - that does not exist. You work 9-5, you don't take on extra, you don't step up and volunteer to do anything, you just do your job and go home. 

I have a co-worker that I feel is doing the Quiet Quitting thing. They are inaccessible, don't help, won't volunteer to learn anything beyond what it is that they do. I find it frustrating because I can't turn to them and see if they can help me with things. And I have what they may call a "Judeo-Christian Work Ethic" where I'm going to do it, do more, and do it all awesome. 

But I'll be abused over it, whereas my colleague... well. They don't do that. They will do exactly what's asked of them, and that's that. 

Many people are outlining the fact that this isn't a problem, that this is self-preservation. This is sanity. If you want me to do more work and more things, put it into my job description, pay me to do it, and yeah. I'll do it. 

It's maybe more of a "millennial" thing, I'll say that's not a bad thing. But it also kind of goes against my Gen-X grain. 

My department is going to be going through a re-org, I guess. It's going to be complicated. People are going to be mad. I may be mad. I don't know yet. I do know that two devs that I love quit and their last days were today.  My favorite person from the newsroom is going to a new job. And a very high-up director of news type C-suite person also has resigned. 

Quiet Quitting and Active Quitting.  It is happening all around me. 

Anyway, a wild week of me doing the most and the best and more than ever needed. And folks leaving and moving off. 

But today, I am happy to say I squeezed out a lot of walkies out all week. Yay me!  I set out to do the "Dedicated 10" daily, added more, and then said fuck it I'll go to 30 min. The screenshot is from my fitbit app, and it measures all of my active minutes. Between 0-10 it won't register anything but after 10 it registers. 

Today, it was stuck at 28, the app wouldn't sync to my fitbit and register anything. So I kept walking around. I thought maybe you had to consistently move up to 10 minutes for it to register. I ended up stopping and then it showed that I'd done 39 minutes, an additional 11 just to get it to show 2. 

Stupid jerk. 

But that's a goodly amount of walking. 

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+29. Walked to the Pokegym, and then walked a bunch around the house. A lot.

blood glucose:
9am: 150
6pm:163
10pm: 160

food:
coffee, water, iced coffee
12 noon bowl of chicken salad (chicken, mayo, cream cheese, walnuts, craisins) 
12:30 another bowl of chicken salad (it was that good); metformin
3:45: pb&j on a low carb tortilla wrap
6pm: 2 chicken thighs, one low carb tortilla wrap, 1/2 avocado. some shredded cheese, sour cream, salsa
8:30pm: very thin slice of carrot cake, vodka tonic (2) 
10pm: hostess ding dong (can't resist!)

It isn't time for this yet, honey

I went out with the dog between meetings this afternoon. We had a huge rainstorm come through around lunch time, it's gorgeous out right now but windy. I was thinking we could do a little bonfire tonight, but, not with the wind. And since I'm deliberately not drinking during the week, and I'd like a bonfire with a cocktail or a beer, yeah... I can wait. 

It was a really busy and semi-stressful day. I'm trying to be nice to someone about a situation and part of me just wants to tell it like I feel it. And one of my colleagues did something very well meaning while I was away on vacation, and I would have cautioned her not to do it or I may have called the people who asked for the thing and stood my ground. I'd already told them no, with very good reason. But I was away, she didn't know, and she did what they asked for. Now there are some repercussions, and ... well. 

Stress. 

Had two walks today. First was inside while Doug was on his walk. People have asked me why I walk inside or don't go with him. He walks faster than I do, and goes farther than I want. I slow him down. That is point one. Point two is the dog. He is not a joy to walk. He is a freaking menace. He wants to smell everything, stop every 6 feet, we end up dragging him. DRAGGING him. And I hate it. So we don't walk him very much in the neighborhood. He has a fully fenced yard. He has a lot of outside time. He's good. And again with the dog, he hates to be alone. Absolute hatred of alone. So I stay here with him. And I do my walk inside, and he pretty much walks with me. Right up my butt. He doesn't like when he can't see me, so if I walk in the bedroom, he follows. I walk out of the bedroom to the kitchen, he's right behind. Figure 8 around the coffee table, into the kitchen, back around out the dining room door... there's Phineas. 

So he does get a walk, too. It's a win win win as they say. 

Doug took his walk tonight, and went for a long time. I was able to get my half hour done in the house, got dinner marinaded, preheated the grill, and went out to start cooking before he even got back. After we ate, it was still light out and it was super nice so I opted to go for an outside stroll. The weather finally has reached acceptable. It was windy though. I decided I'd go down to the Pokemon Gym down the street, and thought about going up the street to the other one but the wind was such that ... I was cold. 

Literally can't ever be happy outside, can't I? I'm a pest. So I got home happily knowing I got some extra time in.

There are a number of trees that are already changing color. Either because trees are smart, and they know dates, or a lot of them are dried up really bad. I took the picture below after I turned around to come back to the house. 

It's not time for this yet, honey. Don't rush it. Just, slow down, okay? Digits below.
 

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+21; walk inside the house. Additional 10 outside walk down to the Pokemon gym.

blood glucose:
9am: 153
5:15pm: 151
9:30pm: 173

food:
coffee, water
noon: 2 slices of 647 toasted bread with pbj (low sugar); 2 good yogurt; metformin
3pm: Small apple
5:15pm: metformin+jardiance
6:30pm: chicken breast, grilled (marinade: lemon juice, cilantro, parsley, garlic, sesame oil, salt & pepper), cucumber salad, steamed cauliflower
9:30pm: leftover cauliflower and cucumber (not enough to save for any reason); vodka cranberry

A Farmer Chris Update

There were 2 little jade leaves which had popped off my jade plant when I planted a couple weeks ago. I had the option to put them straight into some dirt, or into a little glass. I picked putting them in a glass since that's how I usually grow props.  Today, I noticed the wee roots that I'd hope to see were happening. Nice. 

I am out of little pots, and out of big pots. I'm out of pots. Totally out of pots. So I need to go find me some new pots out in the world. But I wanted to take care of these little props fast, and located a kind of planting pot that you'd put seeds in and then put into a pot itself, and it disintegrates after a while. Fun. That'll do. 

I wasn't even thinking. I pulled out the bag of dirt, the scooper, and I got it all pulled together. The little pups are buried and ready to go. Hopefully go and grow. And I did everything with my right hand as normal. At one point, the edge of the scoop hit the palm of my hand, and I felt it for sure. Yikes. But that was it. I had to laugh. Hooray. Less than a week after being snapped like a lobster claw, there's my hand doing stuff. 

Outstanding. 

Here are my pups. Wish them luck.  digits below.

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+21:  31 minute outside walk. Doug was taking a nap in the livingroom, it was nice enough outside that it was a better choice. This good outside weather will last a couple weeks and then it'll be too cold. I'm never happy. 

blood glucose:
8am: 171
5pm: 153
9pm: 220

food:
coffee, water, iced coffee
9:15am leftover salad from last night's dinner
noon: BLAT salad (Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado, Tomato. With mayo) metformin
3pm: 2 good yogurt
6pm: 3 frozen chicken breast things, large helping of mixed veggies

Checkup

 I went to the doctor today for a follow up and everything looks good. This was a good visit. The wound on my palm looks great and my fingers are super straight. YAY. He was impressed with how things looked. 

Next visit is in 2 months. We'll talk about Lefty then. He wants to keep an eye on it, we can do it now, meaning soon, or later.

Not much more to report on any fronts. Had an incredibly busy day at work and tomorrow will be just as busy. Whew. Exhausted. Going to bed but remembering to post! yay me.

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+21 inside the house after dinner

blood glucose:
9am: 181
5:30pm: 172
10:45pm: 187

food:
coffee, water, iced coffee
noon: metformin, bowl of salmon curry leftovers
3pm: low carb wrap with pb&j
5:30pm: steak and salad. Metformin+jardiance 

Sunday Skip Over

 I didn't touch my computer on Sunday. Gave the hand a rest, and watched a lot of football. In the evening we drove to Virginia to meet my brother in law's niece (and our friend) Lisa. She had all the stuff that Linda packed up for me that I couldn't bring on the plane when I left Long Island a couple weeks ago. 

So we have our Guster beer, our insulated lunch bag, the jar of fluff from my friend SpicyV, and my rainbow hat and sun floppy. Reunited with all my nonsense from the trip. 

We went to a Buffalo Wing restaurant that was outstanding. I have struggled with finding good wings in this area. Same with pizza. We're in Pizza Jail and Wing Purgatory. But this place delivered. They also serve local craft beer, so we were able to knock a couple breweries out that we hadn't had beer from before. 

It was a lovely visit. A very nice time. It was hard to eat with my hand wrapped, but I managed. 

Today is a busy work day - lots and lots going on. After 3 years in our team meeting today, our department head let us know that she's close to letting us know what our new team organization is going to be. I feel like I'm not going to like it. There's another department in building that is actively moving on my job, to create their own support department over there, and I'm kind of like "the hell?" So I really want to hear this "plan" for the org chart. 

As is right now, Doug is actively looking for another job, I do not want to find another job.  I also don't want to find another job because I like our insurance and the fact we automatically have this network of specific doctors, I don't want to separate from them just because we have to change insurance. One of the things I like about Kaiser Permanente. 

Also, I am very happy with what I do. So we'll see. I'm not getting frustrated or angry, yet. But. I kind of feel suspicious about everything right now based on stuff I've seen and heard. And I'm suspicious. Wary. Hmmmm. 

This is the longest I've ever worked somewhere, 8 and a half years. I literally was thinking I could stay here until I am ready to not work anymore. Maybe. Especially with the fact I can work from home. I could stay working here even if we move if Doug gets another job. 

Hmmm. 

Today I unwrapped my hand, it's been open all day so far (since 9am). Took a shower, used my hand to wash my hair and my body, with little or no discomfort. Lifted a not very full laundry basket up onto the bed to find clothes. I loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the sink. I watered (a lot of) my plants, using both hands and my plastic pitcher I use to fill the dog dish, instead of bringing the plants to the sink the way I usually do. I am finding it easy to type with my right hand, the fingers are bending nicely to the keys. 

The bruise is still hysterical, and the back of my right hand is so swollen you can't see any knuckles, and it is kinda yellow green. As things progress, it'll get better, I'm sure. Just looks horrific right now! 

Here's a picture. My On the Ocean beer partnered with my On the Rocks glass, with some healthy snacks while Doug and I watched the Queen's funeral this evening, skipping over all the boring parts. 

digits
No digits recorded for Sunday. 

exercise: Dedicated 10+21. got a nice walkabout done inside the house while Doug ran an errand.

blood glucose:
10am: 178
5:30pm: 152
11pm: 240 (beer & snack elevated)

food:
coffee, water
noon: metformin
12:30: ham roll ups, 3 slices of ham, a slice of havarti cheese, avocado, mayo
3pm: a handful of mixed nuts, mostly almonds
6pm: Metformin+jardiance
6:15: piece of steak with salad
6:40: the rest of the salad (not enough to save for tomorrow, geoff won't eat it)
9pm: trail mix, cheese, triscuits, 2 beers

The Unwrappening

 After coffee and Chess Blues on the spotify this morning, Doug helped unwrap my hand and clean the wound. It was ugly, but once we had it airing out, it started to look much nicer.

I had it unwrapped and unsplinted since about 1pm and just wrapped it up for the night shift. All nice and clean. 

My hand obviously still hurts, but my fingers are looking pretty straight, and they only really hurt if I bump them or try to extend them. The swelling is noticeable and the bruising is horrid. But the booming throb of my pulse through my hand is lessened, and I feel like things are behaving. 

I'm typing pretty well right, and my ring finger, the really bad finger, did a lot of the duty. Nice to have you back, buddy. 

After we unwrapped my hand, Doug did a hydrogen peroxide rinse on the wound. He was very helpful and loving. I called him Doctor Doug. I took a shower, had not had one since Wednesday. I usually hate going more than a day without, so this was lovely. But I forgot to bring a face cloth into the shower with me. 

Note to me and to you - it is hard to wash your armpit on the opposite side of your body from the hand that does not work. I ended up sticking the bar of soap into my pit and squishing it about with my left shoulder and upper arm. 

I made myself giggle. Not because it was ticklish, but because it was ridiculous. 

It was a challenge drying off, so I just kind of sat in front of the fan in my bedroom with the towel over me. 

But wow did it feel good to be clean. When I was in the hospital in December 2020 with the covid, they wouldn't let me shower at all. I went about 8 days without. I had been sick at home before getting admitted, so there were a few days before going in that I was already behind self cleaning schedule. Getting home the first thing I did was shower and it was wonderful. Just to get in my bed, in a t-shirt and underwear, hair still wet, snuggle down with the blankets. Bliss. Today felt very similar.

For lunch I asked geoff to make me a turkey and cheese sandwich. He went ahead and did it - with no mayo and the wrong bread. I pointed this out to him and he got huffy. So I said "fine, thank you for making me lunch" and sat there and looked at the sandwich. The ... sadwich.

After I while, I decided I'd just add some mayo to it, so I went into the kitchen. Doug had left the sandwich skillet on the stove with the butter dish beside it, and the spatula. So I had the bright idea to grill the sandwich. Who doesn't love grilled sandwiches on sourdough bread? I said 'okay carbs, okay blood sugar, sorry for this..." and went at it. 

Buttering the bread while lefty was a challenge. I felt like I was murdering the stick of butter and then totally destroying the bread. Eventually I got it all spread around and the bread didn't tear too badly. I heated up the skillet and plopped the sandwich down. Then I realized flipping it would be a bigger challenge, because I have little or no motor concept and control with my left hand. Figured out a plan, and I grabbed the butter knife out to steady the sandwich on the spatula, and flipped it over. But it slid apart. Instinctively I reached in to adjust with my right hand, and yikes did that hurt. Extending my fingers like that, I felt it hard. But. Sandwich was saved. And it turned out perfectly. Delicious. But ouch. note to self. Be careful. Hurty is no fun.

I have been gingerly bending and extending my fingers. Gently massaging my mandibles. I'm also very itchy. Unpleasant.  I took a tramadol after my shower, and the pain is minimal right now. I'm sure the medication is helping a lot, that's what it is for! And later I may be in a shit ton of agony for overdoing it. But. 

I can type like a motherfucker while the splint is off.

My sister continues to make memes of the pictures I send her. I don't want to post the best one she made because it is really gross and I am not wanting to gross out all 4 readers of this blog. Ha. So no picture today!

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+22. After 3 days of no walkies, I set out to do the 10 minimum and just kept going while Doug was making dinner. Perfect amount of time.

blood glucose:
10:30am: 191
6pm: 191
10:15pm: 120

food:
coffee, water, iced coffee
noon: 2 good yogurt
2pm: metformin, grilled turkey & muenster sandwich on sourdough bread (out of 647); apple
6pm: Metformin+Jardiance
6:45pm: salmon curry (salmon, coconut milk, diced tomato, onion, and basmati rice - just a little).
G&T
9pm: sunflower seeds

perspective

I have been doing pretty well with my primary/dominant hand out of commission. 

I have used a fork and spoon pretty well, made sandwiches kind of well, held my toothbrush and brushed my teeth successfully, wiped my butt, loaded the dishwasher. 

Not all at the same time. Obviously.

Today I was eating chicken salad and a ton of it fell off the fork and all over my shirt and the couch. I grumbled and cursed a bit. Doug gently pointed out that it was okay, it sucked, but try to imagine what life would be like if this was me with a head injury or a stroke impacting that whole side of my body. 

I asked him if my ability to swear a lot would be impacted, because then it would be very disappointing and I would not like it at all. 

But it put things into perspective for me. Eventually, this will pass and be over with, and my hand will feed my face, and break dog cookies in half, and wipe my butt again. The sun still shines, God is in his heaven, and while not absolute perfection, there are good things in this world. 

I took the afternoon off after not taking time off for the past 2 days. I took a big nap. I fought with the automated phone system for my doctor and my pharmacy. I logged back into my computer to learn I am the point person for a big data migration on Monday Morning, ohhhh okay? And caught up on slack and other things so I feel I at least know what is going on. Cool Cool. 

Doug went to pick my prescription up. I don't know what we are having for dinner, but he's been gone long enough he is probably grabbing something. Maybe. 

Today's picture features a gift that Carrie gave me years ago that comes in very handy - no pun intended - when I have hand things going on. He's been a support for me for many hospital stays, most recently the Covid trip. When I have an IV in my hand, he is the perfect support and keeps me from whacking my hand against the bed frame. He helps elevate my hand when I am in bed to just the right height. 

It also reminds me that even though she isn't right here bringing me 300 dollars worth of chinese food while I am in the hospital, Carrie is always close. Thanks buddy, both of you,  you are an asset to the organization.

Digits below. 

digits: 

exercise: not again today but will try tomorrow

blood glucose:
9:30am: 203
4:30pm: 170
10:45pm 197

food:
coffee, water
11am: chicken salad bowl
12pm: metformin. more chicken salad (to finish it off)
2pm: fajita wrap with pb&j
4:30: apple, mouthful of sunflower seeds
6pm: metformin & jardiance
6:45: 3 small beef burritos, low carb fajita wraps, cheese, sour cream
7:30 2 peanutbutter cups from doug because i am having a rough day and he loves me but that's gonna impact the bedtime read

OUCH

note: should have posted 9/15

My hand hurts and is swollen... and the pain is not just in my palm but  shooting up my arm to my shoulder. I am tempted to take the splint off but I don't want to deal with the wound on my palm just yet. I called the doctor's office, asked for a prescription for pain meds, and they said they would call me when it was ready for pick up. They didn't call. Hopefully tomorrow. Thankfully I have 2 tramadol left from May. Saving them for tonight. 

Meh.

Doug ordered chinese food and didn't order what I like, or want so now I am a cranky ass. Mehhhhhh.

No picture only digits.

digits:

exercise:

blood glucose:
8am: 199
6pm: 166
10pm: 240 (thanks, chinese food)

food:
coffee, water, iced coffee
9am: chicken salad
12pm: metformin, strawberry yogurt
2pm: turkey & muenster and a tomato slice with mayo on 647 bread
7pm: chinese food. beef teriyaki stick, pork and mushroom in garlic sauce, spring roll, 3 general gao chicken wings, too much basil and shrimp rice. 

Dupuytren's Part Two - the poppening

 Well, it is done. Kind of an ordeal, but it is done. Typing is a challenge. I have a splint on my right hand, and my pointer finger is the only one that works. I also keep hitting the return button on the keyboard so I am going to have to fix everything after I type it, or it will just drive me crazy to fix as I go. And of course my hand is so itchy now I can't stand it.

All day long, every time I looked at my hand, I thought of Dave Grohl in the "Everlong" Foo Fighters video.  

Always loved this song and video, but when Dave's hand grows and he starts smacking people with it, it cracks me up so much.  

I took these pictures at the house before we left. The bruising wasn't as bright as in other light. But you can see the swelling when looking at the back of my hand.  Knuckle-less.

I got in to the office and asked the nurse to take a picture of both hands for comparison. You can really see the bruises on my right hand, and the contracture is just starting on my left. We are not ready to treat the left hand as I mentioned yesterday. 

The doctor came in, he looked over my hand. He said this amount of bruising and swelling looks very as "expected and normal."

He shot my hand up with a buttload of Lidocaine, and we waited a minute. "Can you feel this? can you feel here? can you feel that?" he asked me as he prodded around my hand. Then he said "Okay, are you read ---" 

and before he finished saying ready, he snapped my fingers backward. 

I heard this crack like snapping a lobster claw with a shell cracker. It was loud and surprising. Not what I expected at all. I thought there would be a pop, not a crackle crunch.  

I started laughing maniacally. He smiled. It didn't even hurt. I was amazed.

He held my hand up and said "alright, we're done. Your fingers are straight."  

Well. They aren't all the way straight but hell if they aren't so much better than they were before. Wow.

Now, my palm. Well, the skin on my palm was ripped/lacerated by this manipulation. He knew that would happen. But it would not stop bleeding. 

We sat there, wrapped it, unwrapped it, wrapped it again. it kept bleeding. I asked him if maybe we should have stopped my blood thinners for a couple of days first. He said no. Better to have bleeding than my body throw a clot because of this. 

His assistant came in to splint my hand so my finger can get straightened out and be supported. 

The laceration is probably all set but I have to come back next week to have things looked at again because the split was pretty huge. I am supposed to keep the splint on for 2 weeks. But I am also at some point supposed to change the dressing on my palm. And I have to shower and stuff. I wasn't prepared for a splint and all. Hmm. Fun. 

Anyway, gotta figure out how to live for the next couple weeks like this, I guess. Good times. The pain right now isn't bad. The splint is probably the best thing, keeping everything still and protected. I had a couple of tramadol tablets from when I fell down the stairs a couple months ago, so I took one before bed and another at about 5am. He didn't write a script for me, but I may ask him to do that for 4-6 of them or something. We'll see how i do tonight and stuff.

I had been texting Linda before and after. She ended up making this meme of a picture of my hand (remembering the one from yesterday) that I sent her after the snap with the torn palm...(apologies for the laceration but this is funny). Digits below. 

digits

exercise: no walk today. worn out and sore.

blood glucose:
10am: 165
6pm: 178
9:30pm:146

food:
coffee, water
11am: bowl of chicken salad a la Doug: mayo, cranberries, walnuts, chicken breasts and grilled chicken thighs
11:30am: metformin
3pm: apple, pbj sammitch on 647 bread
6pm: metformin+jardiance
6:30pm: 2 bowls of mac and cheese with salsa and bacon. vodka and low sugar cranberry.
9pm: a couple forks of chicken salad

Hand of Benediction

I was up exceptionally early this morning for a doctor's appointment. Last night, I got little or no sleep according to my fitbit. Maybe 4 hours total and certainly not in a row, uninterrupted. Kind of anxious, you might say. I got up at 6:15, let the dog out, went to the bathroom, and went to make coffee. Set it up and went to turn on the shower (it takes a minute for the hot water to come upstairs). I let the dog back in and took my shower. 

The coffeemaker didn't make coffee. the light was on, but no coffee was happening. No heat on the heating element. We just bought this freaking coffeemaker, so I was furious. Doug got up and tried to get it to work but it wasn't going to work for him if it didn't work for me. 

Sometimes I would take that as a bad sign, but I couldn't let it derail me. We can get coffee on the go. Let's go. Time to go.

Today, I got a couple shots of Xiaflex into my right hand to curtail the advance of Dupuytren's contracture. I have it in both hands, but my right hand was advancing rapidly. I met with an orthopaedist in May to discuss options and we decided surgery was not an option just yet so we'd try the shots and in just my right hand. 

The left hand is on notice. 

The doctor told me when we met in May what to expect days of the procedures. I'd be able to work today (lies) and do most things (also lies). My hand is swollen all around, not just at the injection site. It is throbbing like a nightclub. Typing is super hard. My left hand is great but I am typing mostly with my pointer finger and pinkie on the right. 

Here's the fun part about tomorrow. I get to go back and have, hopefully, the softened cord "snapped" and released. I'm already kind of freaked out about it. But it'll be okay. It'll be okay. It's good. It's good.

My dad should have had this done years ago. He's had this for a very long time. I remember seeing my mom button a shirt for him and thought it was sweet of her. She is usually not sweet enough to button someone's shirt without yelling "Goddamnit Bart!" I didn't realize at the time he could not.

When Linda and I were visiting there in August, my dad and I talked about it, and he didn't understand the "snapping" part. He thought he was going to have to have his fingers broken and reset. I explained it to him clearly, and he got it. He shrugged his shoulders. We compared our hands and he was happy I was getting it taken care of. He regrets not finding out more information and getting the shots. Now it is way too late for him. He only has use of his thumb and pointer finger on both hands. He can drive a car, hold a coffee cup or glass of beer with two hands. But he can't button things, cook, do most stuff you have to do in life. 

Knowing that would be my future as well, I didn't want to get to that point. 

Here's to years ahead of not having fucked up hands. 

After the doctor, Doug decided to take the day off of work today, presuming I had as well. I did not plan on taking the day, because the doctor told me I could still work. But I was finding it nearly impossible to type and my hand was throbbing. 

Tomorrow I think I can do things like meetings, and right now I am proving typing isn't nearly as horrible as it was at 10am. I bet I can get through my workday until 3 when we need to leave to go back for part two. He said we should go out to lunch, and I suggested Manor Hill tavern. Neither of us realized just how far away Ellicott City is sometimes, but we got there, had a lovely lunch time, and took a really nice walk. It was the perfect weather day. Absolutely perfect. So glad we went. My hand was throbbing, and I was walking with it curled up against my chest, below my chin, where it hurt the least. We got home and took giant naps. It felt good to get some rest. 

Wish me luck for tomorrow... Part one was hard.  Part 2 is at 4pm and I think it is not going to be fun either. 

I took a picture of my hand with the hand poster in the office, posted it to Facebook and my sister augmented it, to hilarious results. I think so, at least. I guess my palm looks like it's a weird mouth. Hilarious....  digits below.

digits:

exercise: Dedicated 10+16, took a walk after lunch with Doug in Ellicott City. I really like it there. I could live there. Additional 8 in the house just to push over 30 minutes

blood glucose:
7am: 166
5pm - took a nap, missed the dinner reading
10:30pm: 150

food:
coffee, water
7:30am: 2 slices of 647 bread and peanut butter & sugar free jelly
12: metformin
2: 3 buffalo wings, celery, chicken sandwich (no bun, doug ate it for me), small side salad. 2 beers
7pm: 1/2 chicken breast done geoff mexican style (with cheese and bacon); metformin+jardiance. Vodka cranberry (low sugar) 

Early one morning the sun was shining

Actually, it wasn't shining. I just wanted to use a Dylan quote for the post here. 

We are in an active weather pattern today. Overnight it was tremendously cloudy after a (nearly) full day of rain Sunday.  We were robbed of seeing the moon rise, which would have been tremendous. 

Today dawned grey and gloomy. I set an alarm for Doug to get up at 6:00 to get ready to go to the office, but he got up about ten minutes before it went off. He took care of the dog, started the coffee, charged his phone I reset my alarm for 8:15. He had to go in for a meeting and see the new office building that "I'll never sit in or go to again," as he put it. We'll see. If he has a new job before December that may be true. But if he leaves, indeed, the brand new ID card and here's your new seat and the conference room for our team part of life will not matter. 

Additionally, being told by some that he's never expected to come into work and can work from home forever, and his boss making a pointed display of where he and his direct supervisor "will" sit from now on was a bit telling. 

We don't have enough money for him to just quit his job and dedicate his life full time to finding a new job. So I told him if they order him back into the building, just... go. Be there while you look. And then you can give your notice in person bye girl, bye. 

So I reset my alarm for 8:15 which is when I usually get up most days if I don't wake up before the alarm (like Doug did today). I fell back asleep for a while, and didn't hear him start to get ready. He opened the curtain a little bit at the far end of the window so he could get some light in the room to look at a tie. 

I want to point that out.

What a kind thing - to not turn the lights on and make a ton of noise and disturb me. It is genuinely thoughtful, even after all these years together, that he'd do that. Sometimes it just strikes me. Especially when I'm mad about shit he throws into the garbage disposal again and again and again and he just expects this time it'll work. Or the fact he does not refill the ice trays, or dump the ice trays into the nice big silicone bowl I have to hold ice, and then refill the trays so we have tons of ice. No. He puts an ice cube tray back into the freezer with 3 ice cubes in it. Rather than planning for the future ice needs of the family. 

At least he knows not to wake me up if he has to be up 2 hours before me. 

I did wake up enough to wish him a nice day. The dog had been jumping up and down off the bed, because Doug! Doing! Something! Wat happan! Wat doin! Where goin!?

After he left, there was whining, and an eventual return to bed with me for a bit. I woke up when I heard Geoff come up to the kitchen, 5 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. It's like that some days. I had set up a meeting at 9am with someone in our org who wanted to talk to me about something. We had a great hour, but she's a super early morning person and I confessed I am not. She kind of starts work at 7, which made me kind of gasp. 

I forget what it is like to get up early. 

Anyway. it is good to get an early start but for me around 3pm I feel like I am done for the day. 

On my walk this afternoon, I passed the cat house. There is an old man who lived about 4 doors up from us at our last place and he feeds cats. He has around 10 of them that come around. He puts paper plates out for them, and they come around. They like and trust him, the rest of us on the planet though, we can fuck right off. 

I try to talk to them. They keep their distance, give me the stink eye. I keep trying to convince myself that one day, one of these fine days, they'll come talk to me. Here they are, four of them at my count but there may be two under the car. Eyeballing me on my stroll. Hey cats. 'sup.

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+22. about 21 of it outside on a walk to the two pokemon gyms. Until it started raining. so I came inside and kept walking. My fitbit does this weird thing where it doesn't register my activity so I keep refreshing to force it. Something about x amount of time between starts? but. I've ended up at 32 minutes a lot lately just trying to force it to register 30

blood glucose:
8:30am 163
5pm: 177
10:15pm: 152

Food
coffee, water, iced coffee
8:45am 2 slices 647 bread, peanut butter & low sugar jelly (woke up hungry for a change!)
11am: 10 or so chunks of cantaloupe (someone's gotta eat this monster)
12:30 metformin, 2 low carb fajita wraps w/melted cheddar and 1 large leftover chicken thigh split between them (call it a chicken quesadilla)
5:30pm: metformin+jardiance
6pm: 3 porkchops w/shake & bake (shut up, i love that shit) and spicy green beans (very spicy...) 
8pm: Ramekin of mixed nuts

Nine Eleven

I let the dog out at 6:30 and he did his thing in record time. This dog does not enjoy getting wet. It is kind of funny compared to all the other dogs I've owned. We went back to bed and after a while, it rained so hard out that it woke me up again. We had planned on getting up and out early and going to the Georgetown Flea Market. But we figured heck, vendors either are sturdy or crazy, and we're neither. So we decided to take a pass on this and try next week. 

It feels like it is going to rain again, any minute now, but the radar map indicates no. We'll see. I'm hoping to get a walk in maybe, maybe even outside and not just my usual in the house shenanigans. 

Anyway. I've been sitting on my butt watching football all afternoon. I cleaned the top of the stove during halftime. I realized it is 9/11 and I have avoided social media because so many of my friends from high school post a lot about 9/11. 

We lost 4 classmates that day, none of which I was actually friends with. That's how big my high school was. I only really knew one of them, he was in my homeroom. We were not close, I have no outstanding memories of him, pro or con. But every year my social media is flooded with their photos, and I have nothing that connects me to any of them other than we grew up in the same town, went to the same school. 

I have another very dear high school friend, Eddie, who managed to get out of the area before the towers fell. They were told to shelter in place in their building, and he and his coworkers said "um. No. Fuck that." And they picked their things up and left. A little while later, the buildings went down, and his building took a direct hit. 

Had he sat there, he would probably be dead. 

He and and thousands of others walked across the Brooklyn Bridge to Long Island. His husband was on a business trip somewhere like Chicago, knew he was not going to be able to fly home to NJ, but rented a car and started driving home immediately. They weren't able to connect for hours. Brad had no idea if Eddie was alright; Eddie had no idea where Brad was. Harrowing. I remember talking to Eddie a few weeks after all this happened, and the story stays in my mind. 

Brad died a few years ago now. Eddie is raising their two kids and doing well with them, they're beautiful. And he recently entered in a new relationship. They are very cute together.

Another classmate, Mike, pictured here, was and still is a firefighter in NYC. Every year it is the first thing that comes to my mind. The look he's giving the photographer, who he thought was the media or some sort of ghoul, but later he found out he was a crime scene photographer for the police department. But the look. The look on his face, in his eyes. I'll never forget it. He's such a treasure. Such a great guy. The fact that he survived this, hasn't succumbed to any of the diseases that so many first responders got after working the scene's aftermath, he and Eddie are the people I think of. 

I don't wallow in the where was I when I heard stuff. Swimming in those memories isn't where I want to be. I can't change anything, thinking about it doesn't change anything. I started my blog a few months before this all happened, and I've got all these years, 21 of them, to look back on. 

Tonight I raise a glass to Mike and his family, his boys (both Eagles, just like dad and their uncle Dennis); and Eddie, his beautiful kids, his mom and dad who I love and adore all these years later, and Ben the new beau. 

May we not worry about counting our years going forward, and treasure each moment we are having together in this world. 

Doug just told me that he needs to leave the house here at 7am tomorrow for a mandatory in person meeting at 8am, so the laundry is started and the alarms are set. 

Digits down below.

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+22. All outside and it was more humid than I thought it would be. Ugh.

blood glucose:
9am: 191
5pm: 156
10pm: 180

Food
coffee, water
12 noon: leftover salad, leftover salmon piece, zesty italian dressing, metformin
2pm: peach
7pm: chicken cordon bleu (chicken breast, 2 pieces of swiss, 2 slices of ham), breadcrumb coating. steamed broccoli. Metformin+jardiance 

A Dangerous Naparatus

This morning I was up before everyone again. Got the coffee going, let the dog out. I thought for sure we were going to do things today. I went to sit out on the patio for the first time since maybe May or June, it was cool enough and nice, but the mosquitoes were active and I didn't have spray. Note to self. Get some. 

Doug and I went to the farmer's market, and that's about it. Slightly disappointing. We got home and it looked like it was going to start pouring but the forecast said partly cloudy. Lies. He was listening to some music, playing with his phone. I went and laid down to also play with my phone, and next thing I knew it was 4pm. 

I looked into the guest room and he and the dog were out cold in there. 

A long time ago, we saw something on TV where someone said they were going to build a naparatus, and we thought that was hilarious. So now, if one of us is being nap-bound, the other will say "are you building a naparatus?"  There is an additional level of building a naparatus - it can be a dangerous naparatus. The kind of naparatus you fall into and you are not coming out, ever.  So I think this afternoon we both built ourselves a dangerous naparatus. I managed to escape from mine before he did. I made a marinade for the chicken thighs, and set it aside so hang out for a bit. 

The farmers market was nice, but it feels very end of the season. Well, that and we also got there later than usual (noon).  We got what we needed even though things looked more picked over than usual. The tomatoes we got are kind of ugly, but we'll just cut off the unattractive bits. He didn't buy another cantaloupe, because we are still working on one of the two we got last week. If I liked eggplant, boy howdy we would have come home with some eggplant. But I do not enjoy it, and I don't like cooking it. Maybe I should expand my horizons and get on that? Try it out? Meh? 

I had a nice text chat with Jess today. I needed plant parent advice about how to prop some Jade plant leaves. I really miss Jess. I'm going to see if they want to come for Thanksgiving maybe. I've got the whole week off. Maybe they'll come see Guster? I mean, I can only ask right? They can say no. 

Jess is like one of the only people I know who has not caught coronavirus yet. So. They may not want to come. And I get it. Doug gets angry about it, but we can and should offer leeway and kindness if there is worry about travel. 

Cross your fingers. I'll bring that up in a couple weeks maybe. 

I also was sitting here today wondering when we are supposed to check in with our property manager to ask about whether or not our lease can be extended. I bet they'll reach out to us, but, what if we need to move? The market is shit right now for finding anything. Is it too early? It's September already and I just set up the auto pay for October. Lease is up in February. So that's literally 4 months. It's so hard in this market to find things. 

I keep looking in our neighborhood and area, and Doug saw something for sale that piqued his interest but I know he doesn't want to buy. At least not here. In this economy. With these prices. I think a lot of things hinge on whether or not he can find a new job and where it is. He's very actively looking and applying. With Geoff in school for a year (to May 2023) in the Springfield VA area, moving closer to Baltimore may not be an option for him, if Doug gets a job there. I wouldn't mind moving north of Baltimore either, Bel Air, Havre de Grace, closer to the PA border would be okay by me. 

The fact my job says I can work from home forever is so wonderful. I can live anywhere. We just have to get us through Geoff's program and maybe some time where Doug has to commute someplace. 

Stuff that keeps me up at night thinking about, I tell ya. 

Anyway. Here's a sunflower. THE sunflower. It is over 12ft tall, it is bending over with its burden now. Wondering how much longer this one will last!

Digits below. 

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+22. Inside and walking around the perimeter of the house.

blood glucose:
9am: 153
4:30pm: 126
10:30pm:187

food:
coffee, water
11am: 2 slices of 647 bread with low sugar PB and low sugar J (strawberry); metformin (a little earlier than "lunch" but I'm not sure when the next thing to eat is going to be). 
12:30 very nice peach
4:45pm: Handful of cub scout popcorn
5:30pm: 2 chicken thighs grilled (Marinade: Lime Juice, cilantro, garlic, cumin, chili powder), 2 carb balance fajita wraps with a handful of cheese on each, a little sour cream. Beer.
6:45pm beer
8pm: ramekin of mixed nuts and a beer.

Favorite

I have a favorite plate. 

We got it from Doug's grandmother (his mor mor I guess it would be if you speak-a da scandinavians). It is a restaurant plate, I think it is Homer Laughlin, it is the medium or maybe the small oval. You know it, you've seen it out in the world, you ate food off of it, somewhere. I'm sure. 

I wish we had dozens of these. They are the greatest.

This is the perfect size. Want a bagel, slices opened side by side slathered up with pb&j? Delicious. Boom. Omelet? Fits perfectly. Boom. Sliced apple with some peanut butter or slices of cheese and some nuts on the side? Yaaaaaas Queen. Boom.

I'm always mad when it is dirty, which is usually my fault, and it is in the dishwasher which isn't full enough to run, and I'm too lazy to hand wash it. I get a little grumpy if I see Doug or Geoff using it. That's my favorite plate. Get your mitts off. 

Anyway, today I made me an omelet, big as my head, and it fit on that plate so perfectly. I made the omelet at 10:30 and I basically felt I was done eating for the day. Until tomorrow or maybe Sunday. Stufffffffed. Ugh.

It was a fantastic omelet. I threw 3 eggs into this little frying pan I usually use for just two eggs. There were only 3 eggs left, and I felt weird and guilty leaving one egg in the box, like, that's just straight up shabby. Hey Family, here's one damn ass egg for you if you want. So, I finished all of them. Sorry everyone else.  Three eggs was a lot for the little pan. 

I then put a bunch of shredded mexican style cheese on top, lowered the heat so the cheese would melt and the eggs would cook all the way through. I am not a fan of runny eggs of any sort. We still had leftover sausage/shroom/onion from dinner the other night. But it turned out it was more than I anticipated once I dumped it in? Oops. Crap. This is a boatload of food.

I thought for sure it would be impossible to fold over and I should just make a messy scramble out of it. But somehow, I did it. It folded. I held it in place for a minute so the cheese would kind of hold everything together. Then I wanted to flip it over to finish it off. Somehow, miracle of miracles, I did it. It worked. The perfect half moon was the result.

I diced up half an avocado, topped with a scoop of salsa, and slid it onto that favorite plate. 

And then I ate this unnecessarily gianormous omelet.  

Because I made it at 10:30am, I for sure was not ready for lunch by 12, or 12:30. Training started at 1, I still wasn't hungry. At 3 when training ended, I got up to stretch, walk around, still not hungry. But. Oh. Realized I didn't take my lunchtime medication. 

I had a small ramekin of nuts right then, even though I was fuck all NOT hungry at all. And took my pill. I usually am starting to make dinner at 4:30pm but I felt instead like I needed to just roll into bed or something. Voof. So we got a late start at the dinner thing. Which is alright. Because. Omelet.

Tonight I marinated and grilled a huge piece of salmon, and some summer squash and onion. It kind of came out perfect, it was enough for five people, so we have a big piece left over for someone to eat tomorrow. 

The picture below is my favorite plate with the omelet in action. With a favorite coffee mug too.
What are your favorite things? In all the world? Tell me in the comments!

digits

exercise: Dedicated 10+3 in the house/laps. Additional 20 outside walking to the Pokemon Go locations in the neighborhood

blood glucose:
8:45am: 183
5pm: 178
10pm: 161

food:
Coffee, water, iced coffee
10:30am: giant Omelet. See above
3:15pm: mixed nuts; metformin
6pm: salmon (approx 10 oz i think) onions & summer squash mixed. Marinade: hot sesame oil, soy sauce (usually I use low sodium but I didn't have any), lime, minced garlic out of the jar with a little extra of the liquid thrown into the marinade, ginger - grated fresh, parsley, pinch (well, tablespoon) brown sugar. A lot less than the 1/3 cup the recipe I use calls for originally. Salmon sits skin up in a shallow baking dish for about an hour. Flip it over to skin down, another hour.
7pm: Metformin+Jardiance
8:30pm: wine & cheese

The Queen Is Dead. Long Live The King.

It's all my fault. 

At work the other day I was training users how to use the new content management system, someone asked what the difference is between a Draft version of a story and an Embargoed version of a story. Draft is something you'll come back to and continue to work on. Embargoed is a story that you do not want, under any circumstances, to be published unless an Editor approves it. No accidental publishing of say an obituary. 

"I don't wish her any ill will, but..." I say, "but like, Queen Elizabeth? You may have an obituary "in the can" as it were, and you do not under any circumstances want that to be published on accident. I mean really. Imagine. No. So that would be an embargo."  

So that would be an example. Embargoed keeps it super safe from being published accidentally. Use it when you need it. You can embargo until a date (ie: a press release/announcement) or you can keep it until you need it. 

And then today. Well. You get to publish that Embargoed story now don't you. 

Not a surprising turn of events, I guess. And it is kind of weird because almost all of the people I know have been alive during her reign, as she became Queen in 1952. My parents were alive when her dad was King and all that. But honestly, looking at things, wow. We've all lived during the same time as her reign. 

There are thoughts and feelings I have about colonization and decolonization, how England ruled and subjugated so much of this globe and did so horribly. 

But. The past is passed. 

Charles is the king now, he's boring and horrible. At least she was interesting and lead an intriguing life. 

And as Charles is now Charles III, I'll bring up the fact that he will never be as cool as Charles II, the king who brought back partying. 

Watch, enjoy: 

Also, I've learned more from Horrible Histories about World History than I have learned anywhere. Ever. Thank you for these gems, BBC. 

So I've been thinking of England, for the people she ruled, for the people she stopped ruling, for her longevity and for the land. Always a Shakespeare quote in my heart for things. 

“This royal throne of kings, this sceptered isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,

--This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.”

So, sorry Queenie. I didn't mean to say anything to do you wrong and hasten your departure. Best wishes.

digits:

exercise: Dedicated 10+30. Did 29 minutes inside, and then walked to the Pokegym. that was about 10 minutes plus an extra walk around the exterior of the house for the even 40.

blood glucose: 
9am: 193
5pm: 153
11pm: 178

food:
coffee, water, Iced coffee
9:45am: Two Good berry yogurt
11ish: several slices of cantaloupe as I sliced it up to make it so people will eat it before it rots... people.
11:45: tuna melt (tuna, mayo, celery, salt, pepper) on 2 pieces of 647 bread with 2 pieces of american cheese (it's the meltiest for tuna melts!) and a fat slice of tomato. Metformin. 
5:30pm: Cheeseburger on top of a big salad, italian (zesty!) dressing)
10:45pm: Apple w/ peanut butter