Mental Health Day

Today, I didn't want to. Not at all.

I had taken yesterday off, had a roller coaster of emotions from being flipped out angry about the cemetery situation, panicking because the Air BnB man who owns the house we are renting next weekend has not emailed me back since I let him know we can't come. I offered alternatives like - don't refund my money, we are going to stay there, in April. How would you like to work this? What works best for you? Nothing. No reply. He always emailed me back within an hour before and now I don't know if I should just go ahead and cancel. He may not want to rent to us in the spring. 

My mother is being an absolute child and a pest to my sister, who, saint that she is, has told me not to come relieve her this weekend - she'll stay a while longer. But she's jury duty coming up the week of the 16th so I may have to go then. And miss my semi-mandatory in-office gathering. But. We'll see what happens with that. I'm not worried about work. I'm worried about her. 

Doug and I may go up there next weekend, but, his mom is supposed to have surgery soon, we just don't know when. So that may be up in the air a bit as well. 

Geoff could be here solo. We're praying for him to get a job, and if he does, he'll need one of the cars. I can fly up to RI but will need to get myself to my mom's. Which is why going up this weekend would be good if Linda is still there anyway. 

And I had a lot of happiness and joy yesterday with seeing great live music with a friend - but that jubilee only really lasted until I got home and started thinking again about all the moving parts and the situations at hand. 

I had a horrible night's sleep got up this morning and decided I just didn't want to. 

I didn't want to anything. 

So I did not. I woke up enough to message my manager and my teammates, and I went back to bed. Then, I had a dream where my boss and department head were trying to do expense reports with me for a trip. I told them I hadn't been on a trip for work, and didn't need to expense anything so they didn't need to do anything. They were looking at receipts, and asking me who I talked with and how this person and that person were. And I kept telling them, I did not know how anyone was. I didn't go anywhere. Then they handed me a reimbursement check for thousands of dollars. And would not take it back. 

After second sleep, I just played games on my phone until I had to pee. Then I went back to bed, and played games on my phone until I had to pee again. 

Super exciting. 

At about 5, Geoff and I went to get the car from the shop. I stopped at the vet and picked up the pawprint they had made for us of Phin's paw. I got it for his former momma. I'm going to make her cookies and ship it to her. If I can get out of my way and do these things in a timely fashion. I really need to get better at doing the things that are inside of my head. 

Then I went to the grocery store because Geoff didn't feel like it, and to be honest, he goes all the time for us. So. Okay. I'll go. I hate going places. I hate going to the grocery store. But no one was there, it was kind of nice. I got stuff for dinner tonight and several nights this week. I think in my head I imagined I'd be flying up to Massachusetts tomorrow, so, why not set the guys up with meals. So we're well suited for dinner probably through to Tuesday or Wednesday. 

anyway. I'm just kind of feeling like a slug with a cloudy head. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. 

Oh, here's a picture of a dog I met in Annapolis, he was lovely and I had fun playing with him. He let me take his whole wrinkly head in both hands and squish it all around. And didn't get mad. 

His name is Zig, and he is 4 months old.

Digits below. 

digits

exercise:  10/12 hours of 250 steps.  Slept through 9 and 10am like a slug.

blood glucose:

10:20am: 161
5pm: 117
11pm: 170 

food:

coffee, water
11am: 3 pieces of bacon; metformin
12noon: pbj on 647 bread
7pm: metformin+jardiance; nachos - Tostitos scoops, melted cheese, avocado, salsa, sour cream, spicy ground beef
8:30pm: trail mix (with a lot of raisins)
3 beers