Mom had a bit of a hissy fit tonight when PT called to schedule her for tomorrow. She had it in her head (and I never heard the PT say this) that she could refuse this appointment.
I told her "uh, no. You take your PT why would you NOT take your PT?"
So she was yelling and swearing, I took the phone and asked the PT "what time you comin' over, hon? ... Between 9:30 and 10:30? Lovely. See you then!"
My mom was flipping out because she thinks she has an appointment somewhere at 10:45 tomorrow. No. You have a Doctor's visit scheduled for FRIDAY at 11:45am. Tomorrow is Thursday. Here's your calendar. Look. Thursday the 19th. Empty. Nothing. PT is coming.
So she was angry and stomping around and yelling. I told her to stop it, and she flipped me off (nice). I told her to calm the hell down, go play her stupid game and come down with her water in 15 minutes for dinner.
She didn't come down for dinner and so I went and got her, "I cooked you shells and meat sauce, come down and eat it before it gets cold." She stomped down the hall, I had her serve her own bowl (gotta be doing that shit), and she went to the table.
I took my bowl of chicken salad and went in the bedroom. I was in no mood to sit with her. We've been having such a nice time sitting together for dinners and tonight, not so much. She kept swearing and yelling, she was dropping shells and meat.
Me: "Why don't you stab the shells and meat with the fork, or, get a spoon. Turn around and open the drawer and get yourself a spoon. That might help."
She didn't want to do something that logical, so, she made a mess but she cleaned it up because so help me Jebus, if she had walked away and left a mess I would have gone down there and grabbed her curly ass head and dragged her down.
I finished my chicken salad. I answered more helpdesk tickets. I talked to Geoff, he called while I was cooking dinner.
Mom came down the hall to apologize to me. I thanked her for it. Wanted to say "you damn sure better be sorry," but I let it go. I told her to come sit on the bed.
Her: "I'm just so tired. I am sick of all this."
Me: "Sick of what, therapists who come and take exceptionally good care of you? Me and Linda giving up time at our homes to be here with you and cook for you and help you? "
Her: "I know people are helping and I appreciate it, but I just want this to be over. And I don't want to do PT tomorrow."
Me: "There are only a couple ways this ends. Let's talk about them. First, you get strong, you get sturdy, you are able to thrive and survive. You're not exactly there. And you're kind of not working towards it hard enough. You can do better. Another thing that could happen is you go into a home, and I don't know that I want to see that for you, and I doubt you see that for yourself. So look at number 1. Aim for it. And finally, you could die and it would be over. But before that happens we're going to work on this with you to keep you going, healthy, well, but seriously, you have to be a participant in this."
I told her about Frank Turner's song "Not Dead Yet," [video below]. The lyrics are outstanding and pure. Watch this video. Then read the section I pull out below.
So try and get better and don't ever accept lessTake a plain black marker and write this on your chestDraw a line underneath all of this unhappinessCome on now, let's fix this messWe could get betterBecause we're not dead yetWe could get betterBecause we're not dead yet
Not sure I can take a plain black marker and write it on her chest. But this song made me think of her. Especially the opening lines about getting a shovel and digging a ditch to fight for this four foot square bit of land like "a mean old son of a bitch."
Doug and I chatted about the exit strategy, which there was none. I told him I thought he said on Friday that he and Geoff were going to come get me. He said he didn't remember saying that, but Geoff might want to come get me. I said that's not the best plan, having him take his first ever trip through the horrors of northern NJ alone. Jess had a co pilot and left at 1am. On purpose.
Nah. Not a good idea for Geoff to try this on right now.
So I decided I should just fly. Doug agreed. I started shopping.
Chatted with Linda, and her plan was to come here Sunday. Looking at flights though, Providence on Southwest had nothing available and everything else is expensive. In fact, everything was booked. Everything. Unless I flew the super duper fancy extra expensive Southwest flight. No.
Wednesday had openings. A week from today. Alright, okay. Not bad. This is good. We can do this. Affordable! Linda would not have to come up until Tuesday/night so she'd get more time at home.
I bought the ticket for the last flight out on Wednesday which still gets me home at a super decent hour. And yeah. Done.
We're not dead yet.
No picture tonight, I'm just tired.
digits
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. Did not do a dedicated 10 because of someone's tantrum.
blood glucose:
9am: 195
4:45pm: 180
9:45pm: 170
food:
coffee, water
11:15am: 2 good berry yogurt, metformin
1:45pm: turkey + hummus on keto bread
5pm: chicken salad, no nuts, no grapes (made it for mom too); some ground beef in sauce but no pasta
6pm: Metformin+jardiance
no beer, no wine. too lazy to go out to get.
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